What if I told you there was a movie where ladies in the state penitentiary start a riot and discuss the finer points of cock size? What if told you they’re…
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You’ve got to pick your battles. No one understands this more than Ivan Cardoso. Before directing his own films, Cardoso was a protege of José Mojica Marins aka Coffin Joe. He…
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If Lita Ford had a baby with Whitesnake’s jeggings, you’d get a song with a searing guitar solo and lyrics like this: “You’re reality is a nightmare, this is what it…
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When I was a kid, My cousin Brian had a Commodore 64 computer. This was the greatest thing in the world. It wasn’t great because we could play games like Montezuma’s…
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The movie opens on a dark bedroom. There’s some hot and heavy breathing. Already, I am interested. A girl is in bed. She’s naked. She’s moaning, “Daddy . . . Daddy…
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Sometimes you’ve got to take the law into your own hands. And sometimes you’ve got to take some machine guns, a box of grenades, a pitcher of beer, and a brick…
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This movie is about a guy with a mustache. His name is Master. He watches naked people on computer screens through the magic of a “remote camera.” The camera is controlled…
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High school sucks. Being the new kid is hard. It’s hard to fit in. Stand up to your bullies. Don’t dive into a pool with no water. These are the lessons…
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If it’s Halloween and Jason and Michael Myers are stalking a group of teens AND the film is scored with Beastie Boys songs and Rob Zombie songs AND several of the…
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You can do a lot of things with fingerless gloves, a gold belly chain, plastic vampire teeth, and Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got To Do With It.” Sexandroide is one of…
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“A white man can’t have a decent fight with a black man without people saying it’s racial.” So laments Chainer, the leader of Satan’s Scorpions, an all-white biker gang. Satan’s Scorpions…
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A bloody carving knife is wielded by a woman whose torso is covered by a giant porcelain mask. Her hair turns red and curly and her right eye milks over when…
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Remember those Doublemint gum commercials with twins doing twin things like riding tandem bikes, playing doubles tennis, rowing canoes, and throwing beach balls to dolphins? Double your refreshment! Double your pleasure!…
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Shadows stalk the night. Some belong to desperate men in hobo masks; others to switchblade-wielding new wave dominatrixes. But they’re all cast against the urine-soaked asphalt by the throbbing pulse of…
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A lot of good things happen in the San Fernando Valley. Burritos, Korean food, family-run bookstores, an endless supply of frozen yogurt. There are also bad things too, like tanning salons,…
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Witchcraft ’70 achieves the impossible — it makes Satan boring. This faux-mondo documentary is all about repetition. Narrator Alberto Bevilaqua (aka Edmund Purdom from Pieces) explains that hidden cameras have captured…
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At some point during your youth, you got on a bus and went on a school field trip. Maybe to the science museum or the botanical gardens or that sad petting…
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Meet Will, played by The Black Crystal’s writer/director/producer/editor/composer Mike Conway. Will’s a practical guy; the type who tucks in his Izod shirt before he gets behind the wheel of his yellow Trans…
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Well, it’s not that great. The Great Hollywood Rape Slaughter opens with a movie-within-a-movie that resembles the movie-within-a-movie from A Clockwork Orange — the one that “reforms” Alex by forcing him…
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Over a year ago, my friend gave a bunch of us a very special gift. It was the gift of ninjas. Actual, real-life ninjas. We got gift certificates to a bujinkan…