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Reviews

  • Reviews

    .357 Magnum (1977)

    As human beings, we tend to find comfort in shared experiences. No one grasps this spark of wisdom more than Nick Millard — that’s why he removed most of the mouths…

  • Reviews

    555 (1988)

    Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. “Caution: Viewing may cause severe damage to your brain cells.” Shot on one-inch video tape in Chicago’s Ukrainian Village, 555 hit the…

  • Reviews

    Abduction (1975)

    This movie is about, but not really about, Patty Hearst’s kidnapping. First, a quick refresher: In 1972, an erotic novel called Black Abductor was published. It was about a young heiress…

  • Reviews

    Abomination, The (1986)

    Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. A woman has puked. Her son has puked. His boss, his girlfriend, her kitchen cabinets, and a washing machine have puked. I…

  • Reviews

    Acne (2000)

    Chicago experienced a golden age of repertory film screenings in the early 2000s. And since I had just moved to the city proper, I took full advantage of the situation. From…

  • Reviews

    Al Filo Del Terror (1990)

    Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Suffer, little children. The El Griego Show is on the air. There are two sides to every human. Sometimes, there are two…

  • Reviews

    Alabama’s Ghost (1973)

    In the film Roseland, director Fredric Hobbs stated, “You cannot fart around with love.” He was right. That’s why I love him. Don’t get me wrong. I’d never, ever recommend a…

  • Reviews

    Alien Predators (1985)

    “In 1973, NASA launches Skylab Space Station into orbit. The objective: To perform a series of highly classified experiments that could not take place on Earth. In 1979, Skylab re-enters Earth’s…

  • Reviews

    Alison’s Birthday (1979)

    “I’ll be glad when Wednesday is over.” I’m with you, Alison! Don’t take that the wrong way. In keeping with the tendencies of 1970s/80s Australian horror (Frenchman’s Farm and Deadly Possession,…

  • Reviews

    Alpha Incident, The (1978)

    A microorganism from Mars is being transported by train across the U.S. The crusty fellow (played by George “Buck” Flower) who works on the train ignores the scientist’s warnings and decided…

  • Reviews

    Angel Of Fury (1992)

    The world could use seven-hundred more Cynthia Rothrocks. Since that’s not possible, it’s our duty to canonize everything about the one that we do have. Cynthia Rothrock is the planet’s foremost…

  • Reviews

    Another Son Of Sam (1977)

    This movie could be considered a proto-slasher. I prefer to consider it a rite of passage. Another Son of Sam is dirt-cheap “true crime” rip-off has no connection to Son Of…

  • Reviews

    Anyab (1981)

    Dracula gazes sexily into the camera and into your eyes. His gleaming white fangs catch the light just right. He’s got a full head of luxurious black hair, perfectly conditioned and…

  • Reviews

    Arpie (1987)

    It’s easy to burn out on the world. No matter how old you are or what you’ve achieved in life, there will always be something to keep you up at night…

  • Reviews

    Arrebato (1979)

    During the Rapture, some will be left behind and others will be swept up to meet the lord. Not everyone gets to go, so the lord will have to make some…

  • Reviews

    Art Of Dying, The (1991)

    Wings Hauser is in this movie. This is literally the only thing you need to know about The Art of Dying. That’s pretty much my review. Whenever Wings Hauser shows up,…

  • Reviews

    Attack of the Killer Refrigerator (1984)

    Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. In the early 1980s, my parents installed a beer tap in our wood-paneled basement. The reason? My dad wanted to liven up…

  • Reviews

    Axe (1977)

    You want to know everything there is to know about this person. You want to hear them talk for hours, about anything they choose to talk about. You want them to…

  • Reviews

    Backwoods (1987)

    Indiana is the quintessential Midwestern industrial wasteland — oil refineries, steel mills, and shitloads of corn. You’d never know it, but there’s more than gross smells, Splashin’ Safari, and corn in…

  • Reviews

    Bare Knuckles (1977)

    A bounty hunter and a criminal throw down in a good old-fashioned fistfight. There are flying punches to the jaw and sharp knees to the gut. The men are caked in…

  • Reviews

    Basement, The (1989)

    Four people arrive in a basement, confused and cheesed off. A being known as The Sentinel appears and tells them of their future sins in stories of varying length and gruesomeness.…

  • Reviews

    Beach Girls And The Monster, The (1965)

    Summer is here! It’s time to surf!! AND DIE!!! Richard just graduated from college. He works with his father Otto at a science lab. After a car accident paralyzes his friend’s…

  • Reviews

    Beaver Trilogy, The (1979-84)

    Life. Art. Olivia Newton-John. Over the past 4- years, the insurgence of vintage “found” media as a mostly poignant, sometimes hilarious document of society’s fringes has become inescapable. And much appreciated.…

  • Reviews

    Beyond Dream’s Door (1989)

    What happens to dreams when they’re forgotten? Do they just fade away into the cold, dark corners of your psyche? Do they disappear silently, without so much a word or a…

  • Reviews

    Beyond The Seventh Door (1987)

    In every movie, the lead character should have a cool name. On very rare occasions, the lead actor’s real name is cooler than the character’s name. Weng Weng is a better…

  • Reviews

    Bionic Boy (1977)

    What happens when a group of “professional killers” pulverize a couple with a bulldozer and leave their ten-year-old son for dead? Hint: It involves revenge. Another hint: It involves turning a…

  • Reviews

    Black Alley Cats, The (1973)

    You can make a successful statement through research, planning, and communication. You can also make a successful statement through bottomless karate. The last line of decipherable dialogue in The Black Alley…

  • Reviews

    Black Angels (1970)

    “A white man can’t have a decent fight with a black man without people saying it’s racial.” So laments Chainer, the leader of Satan’s Scorpions, an all-white biker gang. Satan’s Scorpions…

  • Reviews

    Black Connection, The (1974)

    Here’s the plan: You go to this place and meet this guy, and then I’ll drive the car around to this other place, and then you’ll wait for me, and then…

  • Reviews

    Black Crystal, The (1990)

    Meet Will, played by The Black Crystal’s writer/director/producer/editor/composer Mike Conway. Will’s a practical guy; the type who tucks in his Izod shirt before he gets behind the wheel of his yellow Trans…

  • Reviews

    Black Devil Doll From Hell (1984)

    Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. We all know that if you have sex, you’re headed straight to hell. We all know that if you defile the Bible,…

  • Reviews

    Black River Monster (1986)

    Black River Monster opens with this onscreen message: “This production was filmed in its entirety, using all natural settings, at the Black River Farm and Ranch in Croswell, Michigan, an operating…