Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. We all know that if you have sex, you’re headed straight to hell. We all know that if you defile the Bible,…
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Black River Monster opens with this onscreen message: “This production was filmed in its entirety, using all natural settings, at the Black River Farm and Ranch in Croswell, Michigan, an operating…
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Pizza. Solo dance parties. Humping. These are the building blocks of existence, according to teenage southern baptist Tammy. Her upright parents have an opposing stance on the subject, but find it…
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Ellie, the mod. Tom, the drunk handyman. Colby, the horny cop. And, of course, “Old Man Mask,” the burly hammer-killer. I think I’m in the right place. That’s what it’s all…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Never underestimate the power of a Samurai-induced orgasm. Blood Beat is an experimental semi-slasher that takes place during the Christmas season. Christmas…
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There is no greater horror sub-genre than the one known as “shitty kids.” And no shitty kids are shittier than the shitty kids in Blood Brothers. In the sun-bleached wasteland known…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Every trend needs a defining trendsetter. In the case of SOV trash, it wasn’t mullets or acid wash jeans or people riding…
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After 90 minutes of duotone dreams, I’m certain of one thing: The Blood Drinkers is a vampire film like no other. Director Gerry De Leon, a Hemisphere Pictures/Blood Island mainstay, steeps…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. If you enjoyed The Dream Team (group therapy eld trip) and The Hills Have Eyes (assault on an RV), you’re in luck.…
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At some point during your youth, you got on a bus and went on a school field trip. Maybe to the science museum or the botanical gardens or that sad petting…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Tiny Tim is kneeling at an altar, weeping, and covered in clown make-up. He’s sweaty. I’ve been waiting my whole life for…
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There is roadkill on the street. Blood. Flies. Matted fur. Stomach smeared on the pavement. It’s a cat, or rather what’s left of one. The camera focuses shakily on the carcass.…
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Poor Eduardo. With Blood of the Vampires, fab director Gerry De Leon returns for his second and final atypical vampire film for Hemisphere Pictures. Like The Blood Drinkers (1966), De Leon…
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Is it possible to invest yourself in a 77 minute film that, for the most part, can be said to reach its creative zenith when a man with plastic fangs bites…
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Blood Of The Zombie opens with this declaration: ”For all you lovers of high class music and art, The Breeding Room has a special treat for you!” So does director Barry…
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The back cover of Blood Orgy of the Leather Girls warns that there are “assorted dissections, dismemberments, castrations, disembowelments, tortures, knife fights, cold-blooded shootings, drug hallucination ‘freak out’ scenes, and philosophical…
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Spiritual lightning has struck again. Walking home from work, I was seized by psychic thunderclaps, revealing themselves as screeching female voices: “Find the Dance Costumes By Eros! Find the Special Electronic…
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There’s a scene in Blood Shack where late filmmaker Ray Dennis Steckler’s kids play musical chair. Yes, that’s “chair” and not “chairs.” Because there’s only one chair. This is a perfect…
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It begins with garden-variety bullying. A little girl calls a little boy a pervert because he doesn’t have a father (pretty sure she means “bastard,” but the girl is six so…
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If there was a “least likely to succeed” award at Trash-Horror High, it would’ve been given it to Blood Stalkers. Then, at the ten year reunion, we’d all look like assholes.…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. If it was 1985 and you were in a band called Easy Action, what would it take to change your name to…
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Well, somebody was into boats. And boobs. I love symmetry! Psychiatrist Dr. Jules, spread-eagled on a pool float, is speaking to his naked daughter on the telephone. Thereafter, they’re joined on…
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T.G.I.F.? The elementary understanding of The Cat Scream was to be demolished in the wake of Ferd and Beverly Sebastian’s Rocktober Blood. For in that film, this badge of machismo gallantry…
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I went for a walk. The Shangri-Las were on my headphones. The roads were quiet and the sky was overcast. The only things that existed were Mary Weiss’s dual-tracked vocals, reverb…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey! On the seventh day, God rested. On the eighth day, Jess Franco made a slasher. It was a very good week. In December…
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I live on the fourth floor of a building with no elevator. This means I’m constantly lugging heavy shit up and down a bunch of godforsaken stairs: cartons of milk, boxes…
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Some partygoers count down the final moments of 1959. They wear frilly dresses and dance a Congo line across a hotel ballroom. Happy New Year! One woman gets sucked into a…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. If you need a step-by-step guide on how to connect a VCR and a TV, you’ve come to the right place. Because…
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Blue Murder is about a serial killer in a clown mask who guns down filth peddlers in order to rid the world—or at least Toronto—of sin. That’s my two-cent summary. But…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Does this film even exist? May, 1984. A handful of teens pile into a drive-in outside of Long Island, New York. That…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. An analyst once surmised that my lifelong obsession with trash-horror films was simply a substitute for confronting the “horrific” hurdles in my life.…
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In issue 27 of Marvel Two-In-One, Ben Grimm (aka The Thing from the Fantastic Four) and his blind girlfriend Alicia are vacationing in London. But even on vacation, Grimm is his…
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Video 2 Video strikes like the cobra. From the opening logo with wobbly synths to the final fade out that had me sitting there for 10 seconds before I said “Oh,…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Woolworth’s interiors. A hunchback in a courtroom. Someone moaning “braaaaaiiiin suuuuckaaah” through a anger pedal. Five minutes down and I’m already exhausted.…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Normal film: “I would like to have sex with you.” Cannibal Campout: “You can suck my cock and I’ll lick your pussy.”…
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Cannibals. Hookers. Cannibal Hookers. The title tells you everything you need to know. A hooker struts down the Sunset Strip. A john picks her up. They go back to her place…
