What happens to dreams when they’re forgotten? Do they just fade away into the cold, dark corners of your psyche? Do they disappear silently, without so much a word or a…
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In every movie, the lead character should have a cool name. On very rare occasions, the lead actor’s real name is cooler than the character’s name. Weng Weng is a better…
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What happens when a group of “professional killers” pulverize a couple with a bulldozer and leave their ten-year-old son for dead? Hint: It involves revenge. Another hint: It involves turning a…
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You can make a successful statement through research, planning, and communication. You can also make a successful statement through bottomless karate. The last line of decipherable dialogue in The Black Alley…
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“A white man can’t have a decent fight with a black man without people saying it’s racial.” So laments Chainer, the leader of Satan’s Scorpions, an all-white biker gang. Satan’s Scorpions…
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Here’s the plan: You go to this place and meet this guy, and then I’ll drive the car around to this other place, and then you’ll wait for me, and then…
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Meet Will, played by The Black Crystal’s writer/director/producer/editor/composer Mike Conway. Will’s a practical guy; the type who tucks in his Izod shirt before he gets behind the wheel of his yellow Trans…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. We all know that if you have sex, you’re headed straight to hell. We all know that if you defile the Bible,…
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Black River Monster opens with this onscreen message: “This production was filmed in its entirety, using all natural settings, at the Black River Farm and Ranch in Croswell, Michigan, an operating…
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Pizza. Solo dance parties. Humping. These are the building blocks of existence, according to teenage southern baptist Tammy. Her upright parents have an opposing stance on the subject, but find it…
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Ellie, the mod. Tom, the drunk handyman. Colby, the horny cop. And, of course, “Old Man Mask,” the burly hammer-killer. I think I’m in the right place. That’s what it’s all…
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There are certain elements we’ve all come to expect from low-budget, DIY action films: amateur karate, workout montages, bad haircuts, amped up dialogue delivered in a strong regional accent, a foot…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Never underestimate the power of a Samurai-induced orgasm. Blood Beat is an experimental semi-slasher that takes place during the Christmas season. Christmas…
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There is no greater horror sub-genre than the one known as “shitty kids.” And no shitty kids are shittier than the shitty kids in Blood Brothers. In the sun-bleached wasteland known…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Every trend needs a defining trendsetter. In the case of SOV trash, it wasn’t mullets or acid wash jeans or people riding…
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After 90 minutes of duotone dreams, I’m certain of one thing: The Blood Drinkers is a vampire film like no other. Director Gerry De Leon, a Hemisphere Pictures/Blood Island mainstay, steeps…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. If you enjoyed The Dream Team (group therapy eld trip) and The Hills Have Eyes (assault on an RV), you’re in luck.…
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At some point during your youth, you got on a bus and went on a school field trip. Maybe to the science museum or the botanical gardens or that sad petting…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Tiny Tim is kneeling at an altar, weeping, and covered in clown make-up. He’s sweaty. I’ve been waiting my whole life for…
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There is roadkill on the street. Blood. Flies. Matted fur. Stomach smeared on the pavement. It’s a cat, or rather what’s left of one. The camera focuses shakily on the carcass.…