As Tales Of A Salesman begins, we see smoke and abstract colors. A voice channels Oliver Hardy: “Hello out there! I’m a poltergeist, sent down here to help salesmen! I’m the…
All Posts By
Joseph A. Ziemba
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If you are a person who likes movies, Run Coyote Run is a conflict of interest. Renee Harmon and James Bryan had a hand in some of the most remarkably defective…
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“Please give a big, warm welcome to the men behind Black Devil Doll From Hell and Tales From The Quadead Zone — Chester and Keefe Turner!” The beyond-sold-out crowd at Cinefamily…
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For many years, it was rumored that Turkish people were incapable of making boring movies. DEBUNKED! Süper adam Istanbul’da is a giallo-gangster-super-hero movie from the director of The Dead Don’t Talk.…
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The description on the back of the VHS box reads: “A bloody film of suspense and passion in the style of Friday The 13th.” Noche Infernal is not in the style…
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“Giallo” is slang for “stylish Italian slasher.” Giallo movies are a lot like cannibal movies. They’re repetitive, simplistic, and defined by over-the-top sleaze. If you watch enough of them, they become…
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Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey was published by Headpress in September, 2013. The book is out of print and will not be reprinted. From the back cover: This is the…
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I’ve never cared for Freddy Krueger’s outfit. In fact, I’ve always felt that Freddy would have been more imposing if he wore a white dress shirt and stonewash jeans. I’m not…
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Nine seconds of this movie are presented “In Magicmation.” The other 75 minutes are not. You do the math. I like cobwebs. I’m into cemeteries. I also think it’s neat when…
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After seeing The Dead Don’t Talk, it’s obvious that Strauss’s Also sprach Zarathustra was misused in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The piece sounds much better accompanying three Turkish men while they…
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You can make a successful statement through research, planning, and communication. You can also make a successful statement through bottomless karate. The last line of decipherable dialogue in The Black Alley…
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In Jean-Luc Godard’s Masculin Féminin, a character explains why he had sex with his cousin at a funeral. It wasn’t a form of rebellion or an act of love. It was…
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I know nothing about the facts surrounding Charles Manson and his crimes. But I do know that The Manson Massacre has a scene where a baby gets thrown into a dumpster.…
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You’ve got to pick your battles. No one understands this more than Ivan Cardoso. Before directing his own films, Cardoso was a protege of José Mojica Marins aka Coffin Joe. He…
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When I was a kid, My cousin Brian had a Commodore 64 computer. This was the greatest thing in the world. It wasn’t great because we could play games like Montezuma’s…
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This movie is about a guy with a mustache. His name is Master. He watches naked people on computer screens through the magic of a “remote camera.” The camera is controlled…
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You can do a lot of things with fingerless gloves, a gold belly chain, plastic vampire teeth, and Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got To Do With It.” Sexandroide is one of…
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Witchcraft ’70 achieves the impossible — it makes Satan boring. This faux-mondo documentary is all about repetition. Narrator Alberto Bevilaqua (aka Edmund Purdom from Pieces) explains that hidden cameras have captured…
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Well, it’s not that great. The Great Hollywood Rape Slaughter opens with a movie-within-a-movie that resembles the movie-within-a-movie from A Clockwork Orange — the one that “reforms” Alex by forcing him…
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I went for a walk. The Shangri-Las were on my headphones. The roads were quiet and the sky was overcast. The only things that existed were Mary Weiss’s dual-tracked vocals, reverb…