I am not what you call a fan of children’s movies. I am not what you call a fan of children in general. But when I learned that Ngai Choi Lam (Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, The Seventh Curse, The Cat, aka all your favorite movies) had directed a follow-up to The Peacock King, only it was a kid’s movie, I thought I’d put my hang ups aside and give it a whirl.
Well, I whirled.
The Hell Virgin Ashura (Gloria Yip) is running amok in the spirit realm. She is young, dew-faced, and mischievous, playing pranks on the monks. Like a child, she’s a bit whiny and entitled, and she goes around Buddhist temples fucking up their set. She spins time backwards and causes catastrophes. Honestly, she’s kind of a dick and if we had the same mom, her ass would be pummeled with a wooden rice spoon. I got beat for bringing home a B; imagine what would happen if I toyed with the space-time continuum.
The master of the spirit world wishes to punish her and seal her into a Buddhist statue where she will never, ever see the Sun. She whines about it but maybe she should’ve thought of that before messing with an entire temple of monks. But to show some mercy, the master allows her to visit Earth for a week and enjoy all the sunshine she wants. She wanders around Nepal and Hong Kong enjoying the human realm. Meanwhile, the Hell Concubine, a sexy demon with long green nails, schemes to get Ashura out of the way and rule the underworld herself. She orders her minions to eat Ashura’s spirit and now the only things protecting Ashura from death are Peacock and Lucky Fruit (the two Buddhist kung fu warriors from The Peacock King), a girl and her idiot inventor brother, and a genie. The genie looks like a rabbit without any fur. It’s got giant eyes, long floppy ears that are pierced with gold hoops, and a rat tail. It is the color of a well-chewed piece of gum and it wears a vaguely BDSM outfit of leather straps. The genie is simultaneously cute and grotesque; it’s easily your new best friend. There’s a combination of puppetry and stop-motion animation, and it’s delightful.
The premise of Saga of the Phoenix is pure Lam zaniness and chaos. Continuing what The Peacock King started, the sequel combines martial arts, magic, demons, and creature effects. There are explosions and fight choreography where warriors sail through the air on wires. There is an incredible monster transformation where the Hell Concubine turns into a giant death beastie with bloody gnashing teeth.
Unfortunately, all these memorable effects are shoved into a children’s movie. This means It’s light on gore and monsters, and heavy on the message of friendship and obeying orders. There’s a shopping montage, plenty of eating, and entirely way too much talking. You know the comedic relief is supposed to be comedic because he’s chubby and wears flip-up sunglasses. My guess is that co-director Sze Yu Lau helmed the family-friendly sequences of the movie (of which there are far too many), while Lam led the parts that actually feel like Lam (of which there are far too little).
I will admit that the last fifteen minutes is probably the best children’s movie I have ever watched. Still, the film would’ve been better served if Lam didn’t have the confines of family friendly rating. Demons, Hell Virgins, and Hell Concubines work best when they are allowed to be themselves. Just be yourself.
