All Posts By

Annie Choi

  • Reviews

    Go For Broke (1985)

    “We mustn’t quit now, or else we’ll be disgraced. . . . I’ll fight, even if I end up dead.” Cue the first-pumping guitar riffs and throttling basslines and get ready…

  • Reviews

    Deadly Art of Survival, The (1979)

    Love it or hate it, New York City is a character. This city can be gruff or warm, silly or serious, hopeful or dangerous. It will smell like hot garbage and…

  • Reviews

    Treasure of the Ninja (1987)

    The story goes like this: William Lee made Treasure of the Ninja in 1987 while he was a student at Ohio State University. It was a labor of love; he wrote,…

  • Reviews

    Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story (1988)

    Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story is a film that could’ve only been made by a highly intelligent professional pot-smoker. No, no, not me, please. It’s Todd Haynes. This man, of course,…

  • Reviews

    Temptation of the Demon Woman (1978)

    Let’s talk desserts. Pie, cheesecake, cookies, brownies, that ice cream cake you bake in the oven but somehow doesn’t melt. I don’t know what sorcery that is, but I know I…

  • Reviews

    Shivers (1975)

    Did you know that there’s a parasitic fungus that turns ants into zombie slaves? It takes over an ant’s brain and causes it to climb up a plant where it clamps…

  • Reviews

    Psycho Woman (1988)

    Perhaps more than any other movie in the 80s, Fatal Attraction showed the world that bitches be crazy.  Not to be undone, director Orhan Elmas wanted to show the world that…

  • Reviews

    Return of the Poltergeist (1981)

    If you’re like me—and you are—then you love gooey, goopy, gruesome horror movies, ones that explode with crimson gore or neon slime. You love those beasties coated in mucus, with the…

  • Reviews

    Deranged (1987)

    At some point in filmmaking history, people—ahem, men—decided that all women in the thoes of a mental breakdown do the following: eat their feelings with reckless abandon modern dance (pronounced dahnse)…

  • Reviews

    Witchdoctor of the Livingdead (1985)

    Somewhere in sun-baked Nigeria, a cabbie picks up a passenger alongside an empty dirt road. Watch out, it’s a zombie! And it’s wearing a giant floppy straw hat! Zombies need sun…

  • Reviews

    Screaming, The (2000)

    Isaac Hayes. Eddie Deezen. Juliette Lewis. Elisabeth Moss. Forest Whitaker. John Travolta. Tom Cruise. Scientology has claimed the minds of many, though if I’m being honest, I’m probably most bummed about…

  • Reviews

    Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell (2012)

    I live on the fourth floor of a building with no elevator. This means I’m constantly lugging heavy shit up and down a bunch of godforsaken stairs: cartons of milk, boxes…

  • Reviews

    Urge to Kill, The (1989)

    You can ask Alexa pretty much anything: the weather in Chicago (cold), the speed of light (fast), the age of the oldest person in the world (122). You can ask her…

  • Features

    EXQUISITES 2019: Films Of The Year

    In Anyab, the Egyptian rip-off of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Ali faces the camera and says gravely, “If someone can think a little, he can understand everything.” Then, a ludicrous…

  • Reviews

    Murder In Law (1989)

    Our story begins in an insane asylum where a woman with dark, stringy hair rocks back and forth in a dingy room. The walls are covered in crude scrawlings; there are…

  • Reviews

    Eaten Alive!: A Tasteful Revenge (1999)

    I often wonder what Gary Whitson is like. Is he a genius? Is he a basement dweller? Is he a resourceful, low-budget filmmaker who found his crazy, mixed-up niche in our…

  • Reviews

    Amazon Warrior (1998)

    The time is: the future. The environment is: fucked. Animals are: mutants. Humans are: hunted to near extinction. The ones left: fight, kill, and maraud. But there’s one who rises up…

  • Reviews

    Fatal Exposure (1989)

    A guy (mullet, topless) and a girl (no mullet, topless) are making out in a pick-up truck. A stranger comes out of the misty woods. He’s wearing black boots—a sure sign…

  • Reviews

    Killing Machine (2000)

    A girl in a school uniform approaches a guy in a dim alley. She stares and smiles at him. “For 30 grand, you can go the mile.” The man raises an…

  • Reviews

    Cemetery Sisters (1987)

    Leslie and her beau have just gotten hitched. They cuddle by the fireplace. Suddenly another woman stabs the husband in the back over and over and over again. Just when you…

  • Reviews

    Epitaph (1987)

    Mothers. Everyone has at least one. Of course, not all moms are good—there’s a spectrum. On one end, there’s Joan Crawford from Mommie Dearest and on the other end, there’s Carol…

  • Reviews

    Anyab (1981)

    Dracula gazes sexily into the camera and into your eyes. His gleaming white fangs catch the light just right. He’s got a full head of luxurious black hair, perfectly conditioned and…

  • Reviews

    Blue Murder (1985)

    Blue Murder is about a serial killer in a clown mask who guns down filth peddlers in order to rid the world—or at least Toronto—of sin. That’s my two-cent summary. But…

  • Reviews

    Las Vegas Bloodbath (1989)

    Sam is a very successful businessman who has just secured a big deal. Money’s coming his way and he’s giddy with dollars. I see too much cocaine in his future. Sam…

  • Reviews

    Cannibal Hookers (1987)

    Cannibals. Hookers. Cannibal Hookers. The title tells you everything you need to know. A hooker struts down the Sunset Strip. A john picks her up. They go back to her place…

  • Reviews

    Blood Sisters (1987)

    It begins with garden-variety bullying. A little girl calls a little boy a pervert because he doesn’t have a father (pretty sure she means “bastard,” but the girl is six so…

  • Reviews

    Centipede Horror (1982)

    Every single time it rains, centipedes descend upon my apartment, much like white people heading to Burning Man. If you’ve never seen a centipede, then imagine Eugene Levy’s eyebrows, only with…

  • Reviews

    Lost Faith (1983)

    Lost Faith is written by Joel D. Wynkoop, directed by Joel D. Wynkoop, produced by Joel D. Wynkoop, edited by Joel D. Wynkoop, and stars Joel D. Wynkoop. It also stars…

  • Reviews

    G.B.H. (1983)

    Cliff Twemlow is many things. He is first and foremost a bouncer. He is also a stuntman. And a generous lover. And an actor, screenwriter, director, producer, composer, and novelist. He…

  • Reviews

    Copperhead (1983)

    Copperhead is a movie for people who really, really hate snakes. It’s also a movie for people who really, really love guns. It’s also a movie for people who really, really…

  • Reviews

    Mind, Body, & Soul (1992)

    Wings Hauser is a god among men. A hero. A legend. A king. He is also a criminal defense attorney going up against a satanic cult that’s responsible for grisly human…

  • Features

    EXQUISITES 2016: Films Of The Year

    We’re not going to lie — 2016 was a giant dumpster fire. We lost Prince, David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, Gene Wilder, Alan Rickman, Muhammad Ali, Ted V. Mikels, and the godfather…

  • Reviews

    Beyond Dream’s Door (1989)

    What happens to dreams when they’re forgotten? Do they just fade away into the cold, dark corners of your psyche? Do they disappear silently, without so much a word or a…

  • Reviews

    Witchtrap (1989)

    The most important thing to know about Witchtrap is that it’s not the sequel to Witchboard. There’s a screen that explains this right before the opening credits on the original VHS.…

  • Reviews

    Human Prey (1995)

    Fifth grade was merciless and cruel. Because of budget cuts, there were nearly 40 kids in my class. Someone was always getting spit on or bitten or sucker punched. Half the…

  • Reviews

    Warrior Brother (1995)

    A smooth-talking skirt-chaser. A beautiful woman. A jealous ex. Fractured lives. Extortion. Revenge. You can find all of this in Don Giovanni, one of the many operas about a womanizing asshole.…