Were you looking for the movie where a blue faced Kung Fu zombie kicks Leatherface in the stomach? And then Leatherface pukes all over Jason Voorhees? Because that’s this movie. The…
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I went for a walk. The Shangri-Las were on my headphones. The roads were quiet and the sky was overcast. The only things that existed were Mary Weiss’s dual-tracked vocals, reverb…
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I’ve watched this movie a dozen times now, and I always ask myself the same two questions: 1. Holy fucking cats, why am I watching this again — haven’t I been…
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Reality is the enemy. We escape into movies and books and comics and our homicidal fantasies because the world we live in isn’t as satisfying as it should be. Occasionally, one…
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Shortly after moving to Los Angeles, I went to a party in Hollywood. I was introduced to a guy who “made movies” because “you like movies too, and it would be…
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I have no insight to offer. I have no hyperbole to abuse. I have no earth to shift. Because I just saw someone fucking an invisible watermelon. That’s not totally true.…
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Frank Harris’ My Life And Loves was published in 1925. Mr. Harris was famous because he had famous friends, and also because My Life was a 1000 page memoir about having…
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In Laurel & Hardy’s Our Relations, Oliver Hardy says, “You can trust me insipidly.” It’s one of their most enduring puns and there’s a good reason why. Ten minutes into The…
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Finally, somebody got it right. Dracula is a perfunctory individual. Perhaps, he always has been. No matter how many times I’ve tried to finish Bram Stoker’s novel or attempted to survive…
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As a kid, I spent a lot of time with my first cousins. They farted in my face, trashed my Millennium Falcon, and let their friends fart in my face. But…
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Four people arrive in a basement, confused and cheesed off. A being known as The Sentinel appears and tells them of their future sins in stories of varying length and gruesomeness.…
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After her boyfriend is ruthlessly snuffed by Harry Reems and his substantial mustache, Chesty Morgan, the “successful advertising executive,” stares through a sliding glass door. And weeps. The Saline tears cascade…
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God bless the day Doris Wishman met Chesty Morgan. Yeah! It’s the second Chesty and Doris number following Deadly Weapons! Chesty, who will do “whatever,” and Doris, whose mind is continually…
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You want to know everything there is to know about this person. You want to hear them talk for hours, about anything they choose to talk about. You want them to…
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This movie could be considered a proto-slasher. I prefer to consider it a rite of passage. Another Son of Sam is dirt-cheap “true crime” rip-off has no connection to Son Of…
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I’ve never written a review in a Speedo before but there’s no time like the present. It’s blue, it’s tight, it says “MAMA RIDES” on the butt. I don’t know what…
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Chesty Morgan is dead. Long live Chesty Morgan. Green velvet curtains and exactly one fake potted plant adorn the world’s tiniest funeral parlor. In the center of the room, purple drapery…
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Joy comes in many, many forms. For instance: “Hey man you fucked my woman last night I’m going to kill you.” Such a phenomenal “sentence”. You don’t even need the context…
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When you just let an imagination go, sometimes the most tremendous things can happen. This film, The Terrorists, is Pure Millard. Set in Munich and his home in Northern California (but…
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In 1992, I watched Nirvana smash their instruments on Saturday Night Live. My dad was in the room. When the commercial hit, he looked at me, laughed, and said, “Just like…