Double Agent ’73 (1975)

God bless the day Doris Wishman met Chesty Morgan.

Yeah! It’s the second Chesty and Doris number following Deadly Weapons! Chesty, who will do “whatever,” and Doris, whose mind is continually NOT having regular human thoughts, have teamed up for their second film. They’ve made this very parochial epic about a Secret Agent with a top secret camera hidden inside one of her not-so-secret tremendous breasts. Secret agents, communists, heroin rings, nudist colonies and some strange anti-cool fashions conglomerate into a series of scenes that seem like absolute madness . . . except that when you hear interviews with Doris, she is as sane as sane can be. She is your Gramma and she is employed in making a movie starring a woman who has a 73″ chest.

The boob stuff is strange enough. If the plot of this movie makes it seem like a “Crazy-Ass” version of Lady Street Fighter, than the use of Chesty’s pair is a lot like an all-boob version of Freaks. They’re out . . . a lot. We spend long strings of minutes looking at them and they’re never, ever anything but odd looking. One begins to feel sympathy for her after awhile. Does her back hurt? Is it comfortable sleeping? People must stare at her a lot, many of them in confusion. Does Doris feel the sympathy? Probably not. All this strange leering is simply the way Doris does her thing.

And, Chesty just stands there and lets Doris do “whatever.” Chesty does look a bit dazed at times. From boredom or something else, I couldn’t say. Chesty plays a top Secret Agent within the U.S. Government. She has that camera in her boob that seems to have a built-in flash. She wears different, strange clothes in almost every scene. And, this is all presented to us via the glorious mise-en-scene of Doris Wishman. We see the feet, the nudists play their volleyball, strange edits, kickass random music, at-home locations, familiar looking people. It all coalesces together into a steamy bouillabaisse of smells and nipples.

What really amazes me is that this film exists. What made Doris attempt an action-filled spy thriller, a la James Bond? I can’t say. What made her think Chesty (someone who just seems generally awkward even when walking around) would be the perfect star for this intrigue? Who knows? I can only raise my hands to the heavens and let loose a “Hallelujah!”

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