I’ve never been one of those guys who sits around the house in a sexy underwear-diaper. Until now. You know what’s great about Pretty Models All In A Row? Star Ed…
All Posts By
Joseph A. Ziemba
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You drive cars. You eat sandwiches. You pet dogs. You drink alcohol. You talk on the phone. And, you drive more cars. That’s life. And that’s essentially what happens in Miami…
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At this point, the act of watching unquestionably insane holiday-themed entertainment has eased its way out of my life. The older I get, the more respite I crave. Especially during the…
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This morning, a package was left on my doorstep. It was quite heavy. There was no address, no return address, and no postage — only a small stain near the bottom,…
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Is it possible to invest yourself in a 77 minute film that, for the most part, can be said to reach its creative zenith when a man with plastic fangs bites…
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You can never be too patient. For the past fifty years, French trash dilettante Jean Rollin has steadily cultivated an obsession with breasts, pubes, and their respective placement within the canon…
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If you’re gonna go crazy, this is the way to do it. Harps pluck and a forest sways. Women kiss and a rain begins. Knives slit and a river heaves. With…
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The opening ten minutes of this film features a blood-splashed toilet, a kid inexplicably vomiting next to a tour bus, and a grande metaphor for showbiz deterioration. Usually, such artful insight…
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Pragmatic wisdom tells us that nothing is perfect. Maybe so, but then how do we account for Larry Clinton’s 1938 recording of “My Reverie”? Kurt Vonnegut’s Slapstick? Tom Hanson’s The Zodiac…
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Most people will eject this film after the first six minutes. I can’t relate. A man in a cape speaks directly to us. He is outside, amongst nature, and yet, his…
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The monster. The stripper. Whispers about some kind of arm-ripping scene. Director Ron Ormond and his family’s mysterious legacy. These are the details which have secured The Monster and the Stripper a…
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Pauline Kael wrote, “Technique is hardly worth talking about unless it’s used for something worth doing.” Cue Mr. Brownrigg. S.F. Brownrigg was remarkably proficient at exactly one aspect of low-budget filmmaking:…
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As human beings, we tend to find comfort in shared experiences. No one grasps this spark of wisdom more than Nick Millard — that’s why he removed most of the mouths…
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I wouldn’t buy a used car from Donn Davison — I’d buy the entire lot. When it comes to the 1970s Cryptozoology/Paranormal/UFO craze, I don’t ask for much. A brief runtime.…
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Well, somebody was into boats. And boobs. I love symmetry! Psychiatrist Dr. Jules, spread-eagled on a pool float, is speaking to his naked daughter on the telephone. Thereafter, they’re joined on…
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I’m glad this wasn’t a real movie. When a self-propelled filmmaker inadvertently captures the idiosyncrasies of a community in lieu of producing an actual “film,” we, the audience, are witness to…
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At age twenty, The Kinks’ “I’m On An Island” was my defining mid-60s jam. The song bookended a 90 minute “KOOL KINKS” Maxell mixtape that I made, and I even recorded…
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Bigfoot has always been an excessive person. In The Capture of Bigfoot, he threw a snowmobile at someone’s head. In Night of the Demon, he removed a man’s penis and threw…
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Let’s get dark. You know what’s great about Canadian ultra-obscurities? They’re always dependable. Whether setting out to mine luscious delirium (Things), debilitating gloom (Deadline), or concentrated shittiness (Survival 1990), our Great…
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Q: Why do winos house their booze bottles in brown paper bags? A: Because they don’t want to see the end coming. That pretty much says it all. Prior to a…