Imagine alien parasites, which look like very oily, slightly hairy scrotums, taking over humans and turning them into goopy, armored, tentacled, supercharged death machines with robotic arms that are giant power drills that are also flamethrowers that are also serrated swords that are also circular saws that are also bazookas. Imagine that these merchants of gore can rip off faces, impale would-be rapists, and punch through people, leaving a gaping bay window in their abdomens. Imagine, perhaps best of all, that they can’t help but kill children. Well, imagine no more because you’ve got Meatball Machine. Dreams do come true.
Like Tetsuo: The Iron Man, The Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police, and Versus, Meatball Machine is an exercise in body horror with jaw-dropping practical effects and lightning fast editing. Tentacles strangle, cysts burst from necks, tiny alien parasites writhe and ooze. It goes without saying that everything looks like a penis and shoots like a penis. There’s soap opera melodrama, a date-rapey bro who gets his due, and a touching scene where two aliens talk about how stupid and weak humans are, which yes, I agree. There’s jerk-offs and jag-offs and many body parts get ripped off. It’s truly a sight to behold. Of course, the film is not without its flaws. There’s an unfortunate depiction of a trans woman and plenty of flashbacks to scenes we just saw in order to pad out the runtime. Still, warts and all, Meatball Machine is a nonstop onslaught of action. Each scene of the final battle manages to one-up the previous one, which is hard to do when the bar has already been set so high throughout the entire movie.
Just like you and me, directors Yudai Yamaguchi and Juichi Yamamoto grew up on American 80s horror splatter films. If it sprayed, it played, as the saying goes. But they also loved the classic monster and superhero stories of their native Japan, like Kamen Rider. As budding filmmakers, they wondered, what if they could combine body horror with the effects of tokusatsu television shows and America’s obsession with dangerous weapons and senseless violence? And what if, just like Doritos, they could make it extreme? More blood, more gore, more action, more squished heads that explode with strawberry jelly and rotting meat, more everything. The flow of horror had mostly gone from West to East, but Yamaguchi and Yamamoto wanted to reverse the tide and show the West how it’s done. Yamamoto had written and directed the short version of Meatball Machine in 1999, and then teamed up with Yamaguchi with this full-length feature. The result of a longer runtime means more ambition and more exploration of things that squish, and we have the privilege of bearing witness.
