Belgians are known for their waffles, beer, fries, and chocolate. Now, I understand. With so much time spent on eating and drinking, who has time for orthodox filmmaking? Jean-Louis van Belle…
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Reviews
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I am not what you call a fan of children’s movies. I am not what you call a fan of children in general. But when I learned that Ngai Choi Lam…
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At this point, the act of watching unquestionably insane holiday-themed entertainment has eased its way out of my life. The older I get, the more respite I crave. Especially during the…
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It is an indisputable fact that Satan War is the greatest title in motion picture history next to Violent Shit. It is also an indisputable fact that someone in Satan War…
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Recently there was a line of menswear that hit New York City, Tokyo, and London. The collection offered everything today’s professional man would want: trousers, shirts, blazers, hoodies. They were “ready-to-wear”…
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I’ve never cared for Freddy Krueger’s outfit. In fact, I’ve always felt that Freddy would have been more imposing if he wore a white dress shirt and stonewash jeans. I’m not…
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In fourth grade, my art class was given an assignment to make something out of papier-mâché. There were no restrictions, unless you tried to make boobs. While other kids sculpted away on…
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Satan has developed a social conscience. It’s called “sex.” When it comes to the devil and sexuality, the line between reality and fantasy is often clear. For instance, we all know…
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This is an updated version of a review that was originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1990s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Who needs a Harryhausen when you have a Polonia? In 1987, Mark…
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A bloody carving knife is wielded by a woman whose torso is covered by a giant porcelain mask. Her hair turns red and curly and her right eye milks over when…
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Well, it finally arrived. I’d been wishing on a star for ages and the star came through for me. Turns out that I wasn’t ready for it. Dave Savage runs a…
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A hooded figure with glowing eyes appears in a dense plume of mist. He’s encircled by silhouetted children who wait for him to read from an ancient tome. His voice emanates…
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In line at the grocery store, I hoped that Samantha was going to be OK. Driving home, I hoped nothing terrible happened to Alan. Making breakfast the next morning, I tried…
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This is an updated version of a review that was originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1990s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Have you ever spent time with a 3-year-old? No? Well, this is…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. You love VFW heavy metal. You love hand puppets. And of course, you love the shit out of genital violence. Yet, you…
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“My name is Christina Ruth Cromwell. . . . I think my stepfather is trying to murder my mother.” Cue the sweeping strings and ominous horns. And wouldn’t you know it,…
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They (don’t really) scream for anything. But I scream for mustaches. Judiciously. For the past thirty years, Scream for Vengeance has led the world to believe that it’s an onerously brutal…
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In the opening minutes of Screambook, a lady named Eleanor hangs out with siblings at a family reunion. She says, “David, how’s your law business going?” The camera cuts to a…
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Isaac Hayes. Eddie Deezen. Juliette Lewis. Elisabeth Moss. Forest Whitaker. John Travolta. Tom Cruise. Scientology has claimed the minds of many, though if I’m being honest, I’m probably most bummed about…
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The moldy scent of pointlessness has shuffled into the living room. I’ll do what I can to help. Screams of a Winter Night is a PG-rated, low-budget anthology horror film from…