This is an updated version of a review that was originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1990s Trash-Horror Odyssey.
The Feeders are back, and they’re hungrier than ever!
If you missed Feeders, then don’t worry because Feeders 2: Slay Bells will provide a very lengthy, very thorough recap. So to answer your question, “Do you need to see Feeders before watching the sequel?” The answer is no, but you should watch Feeders anyway because it’s a better movie. But, that’s not to say the sequel isn’t good.
The Christmas season is upon us! Alan (Mark Polonia) and his wife and kids are cozy in their suburban home. The Polonia charm is undeniable—pleated khakis, gleaming white sneakers, tube socks, and, of course, a carefully trimmed mustache. Alan and his brood decorate the tree, wrap gifts, and set out cookies for Santa. The family dog recuperates from a broken leg—she’s got a bright pink cast. There is honestly nothing cuter than a sweet little floppy-eared pup in a cast. This fuzzy buddy is the biggest scene stealer, not just in this movie but in all the movies she’s not even in. Alan looks at his wife lovingly.
“What do you get a woman who has everything?”
“More. You get her more.”
“This is going to be the best Christmas yet!”
But maybe, just maybe, it won’t be.
Aliens have landed on the planet, complete with low-bit UFO graphics, lasers, and pew-pew sound effects. The Feeders have returned! They hunt for victims to eat. They roar and growl and zip through the woods. They dine on human flesh. They attack innocent folks.
They also attack Santa.
Feeders 2: Slay Bells has all the genuinely entertaining hallmarks of a Polonia production—reused footage from other movies, reused actors from other movies, impenetrable accents, and of course, stills standing in for exterior shots. I really don’t understand why they do that, but I do understand that I love it. The DIY alien puppets provide endless entertainment, as does Alan’s grouchy, foul-mouthed boss. He berates Alan and forces him to work on Christmas Eve. He’s quite the scene stealer, though nothing can step to the family dog.
Like many Polonia films, Feeders 2 contains numbing scenes where absolutely nothing happens. There are extended scenes of people standing around talking about Christmas. There are extended scenes of people sitting around talking about Christmas. There are also extended sequences of Mark’s real-life children playing in boxes and rolling around in wrapping paper. At some point you literally watch someone wrap presents. This is a movie tailor-made for people who enjoy watching other people celebrate Christmas. It’s also a movie tailor-made for people who enjoy watching other people use the computer. If you fall into this category, then I invite you to my parents’ house so you can watch my mom browse the internet. It will age you. While Feeders 2 isn’t as good as the first installment—there’s less blood, less urgency, less alien action, and no timestamps—it still drips with charm. And once you slog through the slower stretches, your patience is rewarded. The unexpected occurs and the plot twists and lurches forward.
Feeders 2: Slay Bells is how the Polonia Brothers celebrate Christmas. There’s warmth, joy, ambition, a bit of confusion, and surprise. There’s also one dead cat. Polonia powa!
