A little girl wakes up from a nightmare. Her parents assure her that if something goes wrong, Santa will save her.
But will he? Will he though?
Is Santa really a jolly old man who brings good little children gifts in the middle of the night? Or is he a knife-wielding psychopath who hacks victims up into bite-sized pieces with no remorse? Is he Kris Kringle, a gentle grandfather who flies around the world on a sled pulled by magical reindeer or is he Satan Claus, a serial killer who shoves your writhing body in a sack and throws you against a steel table over and over and over (and over) again?
I think you know the answer, and the answer is magical reindeer eating from a bucket of fingers.
Quiet, sweet Yuko hangs out with her rowdy friends and her dreamy crush. They happen upon a mysterious manor that’s definitely not CGI. Yuko, of course, has a bad feeling about the place. Something about it reminds her of the nightmare she had as a child. But her friends are too busy having a good time to notice or care. It’s fucking Christmas! Time to let loose and party! Get horny and sauced!
But now those very same friends are slain, their bodies strewn in a lake of bright red. It’s Santa’s revenge for desecrating the holy night. Can Yuko escape? And what of her crush?
Kazuo Umezu is “the god of horror manga,” and he is known for bringing haunting, unsettling visuals of gore and torture into manga and elevating both the artform and the genre. Never has a character clawing off their own skin looked more stunning. Every panel is a work of art that tells its own story in the service of the larger one. It’s no surprise that his beautifully surreal and disturbing stories have been turned into countless anime and live-action features and shorts. Kazuo Umezu’s Horror Theater: Present is part of a six-part anthology of shorts that were adapted from his works.
Shot-on-video, Present is indeed a gift. Director Yudai Yamaguchi (Meatball Machine, The ABCs of Death) does Umezu’s manga justice, even recreating panels in the film. Present is a tidy little package filled with everything you want. There’s gore, fountains of blood, maggots, pulsating brains, and a rusty chain with an even rustier ninja star on the end of it. There’s a bucket of body parts, a meat hook with a body, and a workshop that definitely violates every health code plus the Geneva Convention. It’s got a healthy dose of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and a pinch of Silent Night, Deadly Night. Sure, there are plenty of killer Santas out there, and this one doesn’t particularly add to the sub-genre. But it doesn’t matter; it’s fun. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Just count your blessings during the holiday season—the first blessing is that you’re alive and not in a bucket.
“I guess everyone has a different vision of Santa.”
I prefer this version.
