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Exquisites 2006: Films Of The Year

A few months ago, I had a conversation with a co-worker named Mike.

Mike: “So, you like horror movies?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Mike: “Sweet. Seen anything scary lately? I like the scary ones.”

Me: “Actually, I just watched this movie called Nightmares In A Damaged Brain. It really frightened me. Very nasty, too.”

Mike: “Oooo…no shit, huh? Never heard of it. When’s it from?”

Me: “Uh, 1981, I think.”

Mike: “Ha ha! OH MAN! Anybody that watches those kinds of horror movies obviously has NO idea what SCARY is. Now, let me ask you this. Have you seen Saw II?”

Bleeding Skull continues to fight the good fight. Three years strong and the fun never stops. I mean that sincerely.

Please join me in celebrating the most excellent trash-horror film discoveries of 2006. As always, formats and presentations are irrelevant, forever giving way to each film’s singular experience. 2006 was a banner year for VHS revelations. As time goes on, I find myself less impressed with packed DVD reissues of old favorites (with exceptions such as VCI’s The Ripper Blood Pack) and more hot-blooded for video store liquidation sales. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe not. That’s the thrill of the mystery. As the site continues to flourish, the original intent stands tall. Relaxation, thrills, and happiness — that’s why Bleeding Skull exists. That’s why I watch these films. That’s why you read about them. We’re happy together. I can tell.

So, with the words of Mr. Keefe L. Turner to guide us, let’s get to it. “BAMBTWOW!”

10. Frozen Scream (1981)
Continental Home Video VHS / Full Review
“Boring lows. Hysterical highs. No middleground. Right on through to the fiercely downbeat ending, Frozen Scream lays down the new principles for Outstanding Bullshit Caught On Film…It won’t make sense in the end, but little in life ever does. That’s the beauty of the cinema.”

09. Fatal Pulse (1988)
Celebrity Home Video VHS
Fatal Pulse is insane. Little more than a showcase for sweaty boobs and the talents of comic relief character “Mark” (you’ll know he’s coming, thanks to the “BOING!” sound effect, novelty baseball cap, and “WHAT IT IS?” t-shirt), this is 80s stupidity at its most pasteurized apex.”

08. Dracula, Prisoner Of Frankenstein (1972)
Image Entertainment DVD / Full Review
Dracula clears out the pores, sticking to its guns no matter what. The film makes a stand for slapdash eccentricity, swabbing illusory “take it or leave it” brashness in the face of anyone who wishes to peek behind the velvet curtain…Prepare to get lost for 82 minutes.”

07. Fatal Games (1984)
Media Home Entertainment VHS
Fatal Games takes the locker room rulebook and pisses all over it. Steroids are legal. People wear leg-casts over their slacks. Hot dogs land in laps. This is a sports team slasher that’s blissfully unconcerned with the concepts of reality and filmmaking aptitude…Not counting, of course, the lesbionic gym teacher. That’s real.”

06. My Brother Has Bad Dreams (1972)
United Home Video VHS / Full Review
My Brother Has Bad Dreams might be the most downbeat film I’ve ever seen. So why am I not crying?”

05. Splatter: Architects Of Fear (1986)
North American Home Video Entertainment VHS / Full Review
“This is an on-set documentary about the making of a fictitious SOV film in 1986. Before you leave the room, consider this quote from our narrator, following the explosion of a beer bottle: ‘The effect would make even Rambo proud.’ Color me impressed…1986 sure was a good year.”

04. Blood Splash aka Nightmares In A Damaged Brain (1981)
Platinum Productions, Inc. VHS
“A sleazy, cheap, and somewhat rare slasher can’t possibly deliver against archetypical scare films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, let alone the weight imposed by a jail sentence. Oust the doubt. Nightmares can. And it will.”

03. Warlock Moon (1974)
Media Blasters DVD / Full Review
Warlock Moon is imperfect, yet commanding; cumbersome, yet frightening. It’s the kind of exquisite, scattered 1970s cheapo-horror film that can only result from a fluke occurrence…It’s not for everyone and that’s what counts.”

02. Iced (1988)
Prism VHS / Full Review
“I’ve never snorted cocaine. I have seen Bright Lights, Big City, though. That pretty much makes me an expert. Therefore, I suspect that a large amount of cocaine was present during the writing, shooting, and editing of Iced. It’s just that good.”

01. Tales From The Quadead Zone (1987)
BC Video VHS / Full Review
“I don’t know where Chester Novell Turner is today, or even where he was back in 1987. Regardless, I raise my titty-mug to a vision that knows no boundaries and accepts no substitutes. If this is life, I want to live it.”

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