Dr. Richard Puller, DDS has problems. He’s tired. He’s busy. His waiting room is packed. With skanks. Everywhere he looks, there are skanks doing skank things like wearing skank outfits and…
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Reviews
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Let’s talk about monkeys. They have opposable thumbs! They use tools! They cuddle! They laugh! They stress eat! Monkeys are just like us! Like, literally. We share 97% of our DNA.…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. A succubus rubs the crotch of a man who is not interested in having his crotch rubbed. Thirty seconds later, guts are…
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Remember when the Beatles came to America? They stepped off the plane and girls were waiting on the runway, absolutely losing their fucking minds. Screaming, screeching, yelling, pulling their hair, waving…
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At some point in filmmaking history, people—ahem, men—decided that all women in the thoes of a mental breakdown do the following: eat their feelings with reckless abandon modern dance (pronounced dahnse)…
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If there’s one thing movies have taught us about love, it is this: You can’t make someone love you, no matter how many potions you give or how many spells you…
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Not everyone wants babies. They’re a lot of work. They need to be fed and bathed and clothed and, like, a whole bunch of other stuff. I’ve heard you need to…
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Ed Wood himself had absolutely nothing to do with “Ed Wood’s Devil Girls.” It’s just a very interesting Wood-obsessed experiment. Imagine the tendencies of Wood’s style of filmmaking, just multiplied and…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. The French have their talons in me. I’m always on the lookout for another Ogroff, which happens to be the apex of…
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Warhawk Tanzania is a man who takes no shit and fucks shit up. He gives no shit, but at the same time, he gives a shit, especially when it comes to…
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Open up! The Devil is comin’ at ya with a big, wet (French) kiss! The French. You just can’t stop ’em. Every time I turn around, a new vintage trash-horror film…
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Everyone remembers the first time that a personal computer changed their life. From obsessing over Minesweeper on Windows 3.1 to video chatting on an iMac G3, these moments are seared into…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Alicia works in a video store. Her apartment is decorated with a poster for the film Neighbors and a novelty bust of Groucho…
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This is an updated version of a review that was originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1990s Trash-Horror Odyssey. In college, I lived in a co-op, which is basically a boardinghouse…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Somebody had to bring abortions and slashers together. I’m glad Nick Millard was the one to do it. Successful filmmaking is about cutting…
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Have you ever asked yourself, “Wow, I wonder if it’s possible to create the perfect woman all by myself from scratch?” No? Me either! But this double feature presents two weirdos…
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It’s nice to know that cocaine was alive and well in 2003. In the depths of hell, Dominator (a guitar-shredding warrior who wears a metal mask), steals a magic key from…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Don’t Open Till Christmas is a raunchy UK slasher about a guy that kills people who are dressed like Santa Claus. You…
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God bless the day Doris Wishman met Chesty Morgan. Yeah! It’s the second Chesty and Doris number following Deadly Weapons! Chesty, who will do “whatever,” and Doris, whose mind is continually…
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“Death could never be so cold.” Reggie is a nerd. You can tell because he wears glasses and because he’s “studying physics, biology, computers, and . . . also studying martial…