This is an updated version of a review that was originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1990s Trash-Horror Odyssey. I haven’t seen every movie starring Han Solo and Luke Skywalker, but…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. First, I want you to know that I recently waded in the Pacific Ocean for the first time. Second, I want you…
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After seeing The Dead Don’t Talk, it’s obvious that Strauss’s Also sprach Zarathustra was misused in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The piece sounds much better accompanying three Turkish men while they…
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This is an updated version of a review that was originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1990s Trash-Horror Odyssey. In H.G. Wells’ short story “The Crystal Egg,” an antique dealer finds…
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Love it or hate it, New York City is a character. This city can be gruff or warm, silly or serious, hopeful or dangerous. It will smell like hot garbage and…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. What is deadly love? Deadly love is carving a loved one’s name in your palm. Deadly love is defending your girlfriend with…
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Remember those Doublemint gum commercials with twins doing twin things like riding tandem bikes, playing doubles tennis, rowing canoes, and throwing beach balls to dolphins? Double your refreshment! Double your pleasure!…
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After her boyfriend is ruthlessly snuffed by Harry Reems and his substantial mustache, Chesty Morgan, the “successful advertising executive,” stares through a sliding glass door. And weeps. The Saline tears cascade…
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Who needs Freddy Krueger when we have Death Bed: The Bed That Eats? Deep within a forest, a cobblestone embankment houses an underground cave. Inside the cave lies Death Bed: The…
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Chuck Watts just made love to a gorgeous prostitute. While gingerly buttoning his pants, she glares at him and says, “When you make love, it’s like going to the toilet.” Hiya,…
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Death By Invitation proves that “Women’s Lib” has always been a good thing. During colonial times, Lise is dragged through a town square. Some of the locals wear KISS make-up and…
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This is an updated version of a review that was originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1990s Trash-Horror Odyssey. The most shocking detail in Todd Cook’s Death Metal Zombies isn’t the…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. A surgeon wears a dish rag over his face. Rubber bands hold it in place. He wipes blood on a patient’s hairy…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. The Noid does not live comfortably today. His royalty checks from Domino’s Pizza dried up long ago. Nintendo won’t even return his…
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Some movies have training montages of shirtless men using exercise machines. But only one movie has a training montage of shirtless men using each other as exercise machines. DEATH RUN! Nuclear…
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All Hail, Walpurgis Night! The Witches’ Sabbath is nigh. Light the bonfires and celebrate! The day itself is named after Saint Walpurga. I’m not completely sure why, unless she is the…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. I just slid my keycard to get into the Star Body Health Spa, but it wouldn’t work. Fuck this computer shit. Death…
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It’s a known fact that ninjas from all over the world are capable of incredible feats. However, only ninjas from Turkey can throw a rock that turns into a bomb when…
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The wise philosopher Loverboy once said, “Everybody’s working for the weekend.” But Loverboy wasn’t thinking about this particular weekend. Death Weekend. Loverboy wasn’t thinking much at all. He certainly wasn’t thinking…
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A very naked woman is hogtied while disemboweled, gory bodies hang around her. A demon with giant white eyes and a 90s skater haircut ambles through a door with a sign…