At one point during Into the Black, a roundhouse kick is intercut with a close-up of someone cracking a can of Stroh’s beer. It feels so nice to be back in…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. “OH SHIIIIIT! I just got off the horn with Donald Pleasance’s agent. Dude’s gonna be in our movie.” “WHAAAAT!!! That’s insane, dude.…
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Love it or hate it, found footage has earned a spot in the pantheon of horror, alongside slashers, possessions, the occult, haunted houses, beasties, and shitty kids. I’m the first to…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Pro tip: If a man wearing a plastic Incredible Hulk mask asks you to come over to his house and watch him…
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You can never be too patient. For the past fifty years, French trash dilettante Jean Rollin has steadily cultivated an obsession with breasts, pubes, and their respective placement within the canon…
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In elementary school, kids called me Annie Choi-Boy or Annie Fannie. They also called me Ching Chong, which is definitely not racist because I speak fluent Ching Chong. I think we…
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A man is riding a motorcycle. Blue jean bell-bottoms, long stringy hair, the open road. He’s wearing a helmet because safety first. The helmet says J.C. This could stand for anything…
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This is an updated version of a review that was originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1990s Trash-Horror Odyssey. I know a lot of nursery rhymes. Like that one about eating…
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Unfortunately for me, the name Janie will forever be linked to that Aerosmith song—you know the one. It’s a full diaper of a song by a band who’s major contribution to…
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Hoorah! Jimmy saved the world! Saved it from the evil Mr. Fig! And, it only involved a bit of walking around aimlessly through parks in Miami with a nice lady named…
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Fun fact: The artwork on vintage arcade game cabinets is one of the most significant cultural achievements of humankind. From the backlit haze of the marquees to the wild collages on…
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A lynch mob of grunting, out-of-shape dudes chase two ladies clad in strategically revealing clothing. One swings a chain. The other wields a gun with no bullets. One is definitely not…
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A little girl wakes up from a nightmare. Her parents assure her that if something goes wrong, Santa will save her. But will he? Will he though? Is Santa really a…
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Pauline Kael wrote, “Technique is hardly worth talking about unless it’s used for something worth doing.” Cue Mr. Brownrigg. S.F. Brownrigg was remarkably proficient at exactly one aspect of low-budget filmmaking:…
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It’s common knowledge that the most important ninja skill is stealth. It’s a lesser known fact that stealth can be achieved while wearing green parachute pants. In the 1980s, filmmaker Godfrey…
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This is the Robocop sequel I’ve always wanted to see. In 1969, Toei Company launched the Toei Cartoon Festival, an annual summer event that showcased their upcoming TV shows in theaters.…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. A woman has been chosen to appear on the cover of Cosmopolitan. Therefore, she needs a tan before the photo shoot. We…
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Viddy I-wasn’t-sure-at-first-but-now-that-I-think-about-it-I’m-feeling-kinda-well, my brothers. I don’t want to mislead you. Killer’s Moon is not a strict derivative of A Clockwork Orange. At least, not in the meta-enhanced sense that emboldens Eloy…
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I was reading a news article today about some shady, opportunistic Chinese entrepreneur in Mozambique. He thought North America was part of Europe. Then he asked the journalist, “What is Portugal…
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The Killing Game has taught me a lot about rich people. For example, they have seven bathrooms. They like modern dance. They keep parakeets. Rich people are just like you and…