“Halloween” and “party” are two words that describe everything I want in life. So it’s no surprise that Halloween Party is everything I want in life. It’s Halloween night! Becky’s having…
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Reviews
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If you have eyes and ears, Halloween: The Truth Behind the Mask is not for you. Two stoner bros wearing Baja hoodies walk around in a forest, sleep on piles of…
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When I was nine, my family drove from Chicago to Florida, just like the Griswalds in National Lampoon’s Vacation. One morning, we stopped at IHOP for breakfast. I had to use…
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Sometimes, movies can be more than movies. In One Week, Buster Keaton massaged the real-life stressor of moving with sight gags involving a build-it-yourself house. Keaton’s humor works as advice. He…
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I love being caught off guard. Chances are slim, but every once in awhile, an unheard-of film jumps up and slaps me in the face. Hello, Hands of Blood. Movies like…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Don’t love Hauntedween for the title alone. Love it for the integrity. This film positions its most unattractive assets — the annoying…
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In 1988, L’Trimm released a Top 40 rap single called “Cars That Go Boom.” It told the story of how Bunny D and Lady Tigra from L’Trimm were really into cars…
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I never met a Bateman I didn’t like. In 1970, a remote attic was tapped for a meeting of utmost secrecy. The space was damp, musty, and crawling with spiders. A…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Bobbi Young, your life is calling. And it has very good news. The first ten minutes of Heavy Metal Massacre consists of…
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“What you’re about to see is a reality check . . . a warning of the coming danger of what our culture is facing.” So what are we facing, exactly? Drug…
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A group of wealthy teens sneak out of the house to see the hardest rocking band in Pakistan. They pile into a janky van and head out through the country. But,…
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I have no insight to offer. I have no hyperbole to abuse. I have no earth to shift. Because I just saw someone fucking an invisible watermelon. That’s not totally true.…
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This is an updated version of a review that was originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1990s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Everything is better in Mexico, including Child’s Play. Tony and Annie are…
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I’ve watched this movie a dozen times now, and I always ask myself the same two questions: 1. Holy fucking cats, why am I watching this again — haven’t I been…
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A lot of good things happen in the San Fernando Valley. Burritos, Korean food, family-run bookstores, an endless supply of frozen yogurt. There are also bad things too, like tanning salons,…
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The opening ten minutes of this film features a blood-splashed toilet, a kid inexplicably vomiting next to a tour bus, and a grande metaphor for showbiz deterioration. Usually, such artful insight…
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As a fly-on-the-wall peek into the sleazy side of late 1970s Hollywood, The Hollywood Strangler Meets The Skid Row Slasher is captivating. As a narrative film, it’s utterly pointless. But that’s…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Thanksgiving can be pretty boring. It’s all stuffing, football, and feigned conversation. Most of the time, everyone just kind of falls asleep…
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Sometimes, all you want to do is stay at home and sit on your couch. You love your couch. It’s so comfortable! You particularly love how it’s right in front of…
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Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey. Honeymoon Horror is the story of Frank, a killer with a burned face. Frank exacts his revenge against his cheating wife on…