Originally published in Bleeding Skull! A 1980s Trash-Horror Odyssey.
If it was 1985 and you were in a band called Easy Action, what would it take to change your name to Solid Gold? Easy Action is a wink-wink to the groupies, informing them that you and your bandmates are both available and willing. On the other hand, Solid Gold relates to the general public for certain that “we write the hits.” Fame or fornication? A tough question. This is one of the many philosophical conundrums that arise in Blood Tracks. To Sweden!
A man is drunk. He wants a candy bar. Naturally, his wife stabs him in the back. Gathering their six (eight? twenty?) children, the woman hops a train and never looks back.
Twenty years later. The rock band Solid Gold (Easy Action in real life — see what I mean?) is filming a new video on a mountaintop in the dead of winter. The video kicks off when the entire band rolls down a hill. The girls are almost naked. The microphones are not plugged in. Regardless, lyrics like “Blood tracks! You’re in the danger zone!” provide enough sass to cause an AVALANCHE. Trapped in a cabin, the band, their management, and the groupies are forced to have sex, communicate on walkie-talkies, and die in loads of ever-escalating gore. The killer? I thought you’d never ask. Our prologue family, now reduced to deformed, cannibalistic savages, are holed up in an abandoned factory, the very same place that Solid Gold’s manager picked for the video shoot. The family seizes this opportunity to exorcise their animosity towards mankind. This is all very fascinating.
The 80-minute, Swedish-produced Blood Tracks will make you happy. Only bettered by the noble social commentary, the hilarious technical shanks are almost too good to be true. There are no character names — even the credits list only the actors themselves. The film is post-dubbed by people who are not comfortable with the act of speech. Lazer Tag synths hum endlessly. The pace moves like greased lightning, but really, nothing much happens, save for the booby-trap gore. When one of the Solid Gold dudes tells his lover, “You’ve got the boobs!,” it’s time for another avalanche. This time, it occurs in your heart.