“APRIL FUCKING FOOLS, YA MOTHERFUCKER!”
Those are the words that mega-nerd Marty Rantzen hears in the opening minutes of Slaughter High. It’s also the moment when the jocks ‘n’ babes at Doddsville High unleash a series of humiliating April Fool’s pranks against Marty, his penis, and eventually, his melted face. Fast-forward to April Fools’ Day, five years later. The wise-crackin’, cocaine-snortin’, beer-chuggin’ gang of buttholes has returned for a high school reunion. But so has Marty, his Jester mask, and a taste for revenge-fueled disembowelment.
Produced by smut peddler Dick Randall (Pieces, Don’t Open ‘Til Christmas), Slaughter High is a gross-out April Fool’s slasher that delivers on every level possible and/or impossible—even when the cast sluggishly investigates the school for what feels like four hours. Unlike April Fool’s Day or Killer Party, Slaughter High doesn’t function as a holiday horror movie that can be enjoyed with a bowl of truffle popcorn. It’s not cute or breezy. This is a maladjusted mutant that basks in the dreariness of psychic damage, warm Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, and death via sewage drowning. Slaughter High rides on the same distorted wavelength as Nightmares in a Damaged Brain and Class Reunion Massacre. These are independent slashers that push the boundaries of good taste, but rarely step over the line. Movies that feel like they emerged from a sewer beneath the New York City depicted in Mary Harron’s American Psycho. Movies with rotting, yellow teeth and breath that smells like a decayed rat.
“You bastard, I wet myself!”
Those are the words that Nancy—one of Marty’s vicious bullies—says after a fake jump scare in Slaughter High. She perfectly captures the movie’s essence. From the ruthless sexual punchlines to the shocking gore, from the anesthetized chase scene featuring Carolin Munro (Maniac) to the surrealist climax, Slaughter High is an unsettling and mean-spirited experience that I can’t help but love. You should see it at least once, maybe twice if you are/were a big nerd like Marty. I watched it twice.
