Return To Boggy Creek (1978)

Directed by Tom Moore
CBS/Fox Home Video VHS

When mankind finally captures Bigfoot, that first public interview will be very telling. People across the globe will want their burning questions answered. Our friend, the intelligent Sasquatch, will surely oblige.

“Mr. Yeti, why the isolation; why the reluctance to show your face amongst our world?”

With welling tears and a nervous laugh, Bigfoot will adjust his wire-rimmed glasses and slowly reply.

“Friends, Dignitaries, people of the press: I thank you for your interest and compassion. However, the time has come to rectify a terrible mistake in the history of the homosapien. You are all familiar with the film Return To Boggy Creek. This motion picture was an insolent travesty on your part; a complete insult to the reputation of my people. We were forced to walk with our heads held low. Humankind will now pay for their sins.”

At that point, the Sasquatch from Night Of The Demon will be unleashed from his cage. Everyone’s arms will be ripped off.

Before Charles Pierce followed up his classic, The Legend Of Boggy Creek, with an abysmal sequel of his own (Boggy Creek II, 1981), TV director Tom Moore shat out Return To Boggy Creek in 1978. It’s an unrelated, G-rated migraine that follows the story of three backwoods kids as they search for “Big-Bay-Tie” (that’s Bigfoot to you and me) with the help of a “detective kit,” a couple of old farts, and lots of banjo music. Along for the ride is Dawn Wells (Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island), a young Dana Plato (Kimberly from Diff’rent Strokes), and lots of contemptible padding. A mute kid speaks his first words at the end, after our gorilla-suited, Frankenstein-lumbering Sasquatch helps the kids find their way home during a storm. Inspiration can be so beautiful.

Aside from some nice photography, Return To Boggy Creek is all thumbs. Gutter acting, inept dialogue (memo to Mr. Bruno: please get off the screen), annoying greasy kids’ stuff, and a stumbling pace. At least Tom Moore gave us Mark Of The Witch before going all Benedict Arnold on The Wonder Years and Felicity. Maybe the Sasquatch hordes will spare him on judgment day.

The pan and scan print looks pretty terrific, for the most part. Nice clarity, color, and contrast. The mono sound was perfectly fine.

For sure. The big box is a sliding wonder; a mini-drawer holds the magical tape within. Far more fascinating than the film itself.

Burn the banjos and melt the harmonicas. Return To Boggy Creek is far and away the most unaccomplished Sasquatch film you’ll ever force yourself to finish, unless you’re within the ages of 8-13. Don’t see it.