THE TOOLBOX MURDERS (1978)
Directed by Dennis Donnelly
United Home Video VHS
THE FILM
Let's hear it for truth in advertising.
At least a little.
Eschewing the amiable slasher trait
of "wait-an-hour-'til-somebody-eats-it"
for some sleazy immediacy, the anti-social
The Toolbox Murders kicks
off with a blitz of smut. There
is a toolbox. There are murders.
And, they're pretty juicy. As you
can tell, the film's title speaks
the truth. Why, an incidental character
even proclaims, "I try to meet
all my neighbors, but I don't get
too friendly...if you know what
I mean." I believe I do.
Thus, Toolbox's initial
onslaught dries up with an abrupt
whimper. Not so friendly, eh? Following
all the boobs 'n' blood, we tag
along with an alcoholic mother,
her dorky kids, and two shifty teenagers
who clean up crime scenes in an
apartment complex (?). There's a
lot of conversation. Cops are too
cool for school. The semi-stylish
visual compositions (Gary Graver
strikes!) and soundtrack schmaltz
threaten to defeat a pleasant nap.
And then, Cameron Mitchell kidnaps
a girl, ties her to a bed, and sucks
on a lollipop while mumbling about
Jesus. He's the killer.
Bingo. Best friends forever.
There you have it. The Toolbox
Murders steps out with grandiose
nastiness, becomes one with the
paunch, then wraps up with a series
of dirty twists and loveably ridiculous
-- yet strangely effective -- performances.
Promises are delivered, even if
consistency is not. Yet, who needs
consistency when you've got Cam
Mitchell's sweatiest, most expired
Old Spice "performance"
since The
Demon? Or Terror
On Tape? Or Haunts?
Certainly not the geniuses on Madison
Avenue. And certainly not you.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Surprisingly great. The open-matte
print is clean, bright, and well-adjusted.
It’s actually brighter than
the DVD
and you can see more of Cameron
Mitchell’s eyebrows when they’re
at the top of the screen. VHS is
not dead.
EXTRAS
When I was a kid, the artwork for
this film regularly scared my pants
off with each visit to “The
Video Store”. Just like The
Town That Dreaded Sundown.
I think it was because the ski-mask
provided eye-holes, but no eyes.
Anyway, I once picked up the box
when my Dad wasn’t looking.
There was part of a nipple on the
back cover, as well as a crude drawing
of a bloody toolbox. I felt a little
guilty. So, I put the box back and
rented Big Top Pee-Wee.
It was incredible.
Speaking of extras, there’s
a brief trailer for The
Ripper before the FBI warning.
It was also incredible.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Death is in the toolbox. And it’s
partial to lollipops. Angry, raunchy,
and frequently outrageous, The
Toolbox Murders is a curious
experience -- inconsistencies included.
It’s not a film to reminisce
upon with fondness, but it works
just fine as a stiff jolt of slashery
filth. Friends? Friends.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 03.13.08 |
To the truth!
If you know what they mean
Not into Dum-Dums
Rooting for Cam
|
