THE SHAMAN (1987)
Directed by Michael Yakub
Imperial Entertainment VHS
THE FILM
Yesterday, I was an average, ordinary
man. Today, I am a Shamaniac. The
club is open.
"Said my head is red and my
husband's is too. And if you don't
like it, then poo on you! Yeeow!
Do the wash!"
"Speaking of dreams, would
you like more wine?"
"Ok, I've got a joke. A guy
in a station wagon is driving penguins
down the highway..."
Do not feel reluctant. As evidenced
by the wise colloquies above, The
Shaman (pronounced "shay-minn")
offers exactly what you seek. The
limits of irrational human behavior
were shoved by Sledgehammer,
slapped by Fatal
Pulse, and pinched by Twisted
Nightmare. Now, the bow
breaks. The Shaman is an
hysterical, surely-improvised shitheap
of bizarre inaction, random deficiency,
and civilized dysfunction. It's
saner than Runaway
Nightmare, but tamer than
Frozen Scream. Plus,
it was released straight to video
in 1987. What's more fun than playing
Charades? You bet -- watching it
being played.
A narrator eats his microphone.
A fat prison escapee sports a coonskin
hat, but then we see his friend
wearing it. Shouting. Stuttering.
Finally...The Shaman! He wears a
black trenchcoat, carries a big
tree branch, and combs the area
in search of a successor. The big
S says, "Now is the time for
all my plans to come to fruition!"
And so it shall be! Three couples
(no names, please) live near the
woods. They have dinner parties.
They go to the movies. They argue.
There is a "subplot" involving
two children and their lost dog.
One of the men, Jack, works on his
computer when he should be spending
quality time with his wife. Jack
becomes The Shaman's minion. Then,
there are the fist fights, broken
knick-knacks, slit throats, punched
women, and bloody towels...or pillowcases.
Speaking of details, would you like
more wine?
The glass is always full. Within
this framework, The Shaman
erects a monument to perpetual idiocy.
Therefore, we are blessed with non-stop
hilarity. Organization is an alien
notion. Ridiculous dialogue is blatantly
flubbed and/or escapes from the
mouths of adults who have yet to
grasp the intricacies of the English
language. The dork-synth soundtrack
gives Forever
Evil a run for its money.
Snippets of random, dizzying nonsense
(wait'll you see the "Do the
wash!" scene) attack with fervent
glee. You may consider shooting
yourself at the hour mark, but don't
give in. Penguin gags carry a lot
of heft. Almost as much as gratuitous
jogging scenes.
Enough with the Shamantics. Now
where's that Charades box?!
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Does not matter.
EXTRAS
Oh no. It's that gawddamn Black
Eagle trailer again
(and again).
Imperial, it's time to dock the
Van Damme pleasure cruise. Very
embarrassing.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Be a Shamaniac! To the average person,
The Shaman would appear
to be a torturous, soul-sucking
scab. But to the seasoned trash
culturalist, this film is crap-80s
royalty. And hey -- "If you
don't like it, then poo on you!
DO THE WASH!"
Thanks to Caelum Vatnsdal for
providing a copy of this film!
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 02.22.07 |
Oy! I've been Shaman'd!
Sex Vs. Programming
Where are the penguins?
S-Dawg
|
