SAVAGE WEEKEND (1979)
Directed By David Paulsen
Paragon Video VHS
THE FILM
How many taglines does it take to
screw in a light bulb? That’s
a hot one. I don't have the puncher,
but Savage Weekend has
six taglines to choose from. The
answer's gotta be in there somewhere,
right?
When Paragon plasters an entire
box with dopey copy and omits a
plot synopsis, the assumption would
be that something's fishy. Even
in the mid 80s. In this case, the
hunch is right, but it's not as
bad as you might think. Despite
claims like "Makes “Texas
Chain Saw [sic] Massacre Look Like
Kid Stuff!" and "It will
scare you to death!", Savage
Weekend is not "The shocker
of the 80s!" Instead, it's
a badly acted nighttime soap, peppered
with sullied Cinemax sex, tons of
boobs, and some unsettling situations.
And some wanton erotic cow milking.
So sexy! Just so you know, Paragon
isn't completely bonkers. The end
of the film turns into an effective
slasher, complete with a killer
clad in a dimestore rubber mask
and Brooks Brothers sweater. Man,
that's raw.
If you want a who, what, why, where,
or when, turn the tape off now.
Essentially, five jerks (two limp
couples and a gay guy named "Mother
Nicky," who knows how to dish
out some Van Damme-age) take a trip
in the country to oversee the rehabilitation
of a boat. Very gripping. Once there,
they meet a gallery of nitwits,
including Otis, a hired hand that
talks to a tombstone. There's nude
sunbathing with sizzling 80s babes,
random sex with everyone (make way
for that long distance shot of a
guy's wang!), Fat Albert music,
a burlesque striptease to terrible
disco-samba, six boom mics (!),
and a fish hook in the foot. Finally,
someone grabs a rubber mask and
goes to town. The deaths are unsettling
(pin in the ear, tablesaw), but
never bloody. The unmasking will
surprise no one, but the chainsaw
duel perks things up. Also, I have
decided that mustaches just aren't
that scary. Maybe the killer agrees?
Shot in 1976 as The Killer Behind
The Mask, then wallowing in
obscurity after a brief theatrical
release, Savage Weekend
has character issues. Big time.
Director David Paulsen also helmed
episodes of Dallas and Dynasty,
so that's not surprising. The horror
elements are in place and well accounted
for, including a few gritty sets
and somewhat effective cinematography
(Gus Van Sant with no talent, maybe?).
Unfortunately, it takes an hour
of wading through dreary nonsense,
bad continuity, and a truly hideous
score to get there. Not to mention
the copious amounts of awkward sexual
situations, which stick out like
a sore udder (Ho ha!).
Savage Weekend had a chance.
The film was certainly strange,
even a little frightening at times,
but never disturbing. If the current
wasn't so uneven, maybe Paragon
wouldn't have had to resort to that
Texas name dropping after all.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Double ouch. I have a feeling this
tape is about to retire, with all
the crackling, fuzzy lines, and
picture haze. By far one of the
most worn ex-rentals I've watched.
The print itself was decent, just
a little ragged at certain points.
EXTRAS
Now this is what we want. Following
the film, gear up for 15 minutes
of Paragon trailer trash, featuring
The Pilot, God's Gun
(hilariously bad western with Jack
Palance), New
Year's Evil, The Apple,
Savage Weekend (featuring
loads of cut footage, some of it
pretty steamy), and Ruckus in
Maddock County.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I was chosen. I was doomed. I prepared
myself...but it was all for naught.
Savage Weekend is not a
lost slasher goldmine, waiting in
the wings for rediscovery. Still,
it's a little stiffer on the nerves
than most towards the end, so not
all is lost. Go in low and you might
enjoy it.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 10.21.05 |
Motherly love
Roughin' it
Now that I like
In Heinz we trust
|
