HORROR HOUSE ON HIGHWAY
5 (1985)
Directed by Richard Casey
Simitar Home Video VHS
THE FILM
Remember the guy in high school
who was constantly ingesting really
bad acid? Well, ten years later
he made a movie. I cannot fault
him for keeping it real.
Simitar Home Video tells us that
Richard Casey, director of Horror
House On Highway 5, was a "notorious
rock video maker." That must
be true, 'cause he lathered the
soundtrack with atrocious songs
like "Holocaust" and "Let
There Be Some Drums," but forgot
to make a film. Whoops! We're going
to let that slide though. Anyone
that can combine several hundred
musical styles, disappearing wigs,
a killer in a Richard Nixon mask,
and an arousing hairy-armpit shower
scene deserves a hi-five or three.
Is that vocoder doo wop I hear?
Maybe a bar rock rip on The Velvet
Underground's "Sweet Jane"?
Sway with me.
Littletown, USA. An "LSD guru"
killer named Bartholomew dons the
Richard Nixon mask. Joined by his
two retardo sons, Barth follows
college victims into his Horror
House and makes swishing noises.
Meanwhile, a couple of students
construct bombs out of model rockets,
a teacher wears his tie backwards,
and a drunken jock says "Hey,
I'm gonna fuck you, man!" before
punching Tricky Dick. For some reason,
a couple of people have bruises
on their foreheads and a woman is
tortured with an iron that isn't
plugged in. C’est la vie.
Horror House needs an intervention.
Or even more drugs. Non-narrative
visuals meander between local improv
embarrassment, bizarre padding,
and strangely unsettling stalk scenes,
which induces a love-hate relationship.
I hated the sub-Goremet
Zombie Chef From Hell anti-humor,
but loved the sight of a blood-slathered
Richard Nixon killer. I loved the
utter scum of the locations, but
hated the advanced nerdiness of
the cast. The zilch budget enforced
the grittiness of the unnerving
scenes, but ate itself while we
hung out in someone’s apartment.
That’s how it goes, right
up to the unnerving end.
If the sinister, yet tame aspects
took over for the inside jokes,
the scales would’ve tipped.
Instead, Horror House feels
like five movies for the price of
ten, backed with a terrific case
of the laments. Let There Be Some
Drums, indeed.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Not too bad. The sound is warbled
and the visuals are hazy, but at
least Mr. Notorious remembered to
plug in the lights. I suspect some
video editing equipment was involved.
EXTRAS
Simitar's logo montage features
a pirate sword in space, but no
musical accompaniment. That'll get
them an "A" for Almost
Awesome.
FINAL THOUGHTS
”Though he is shot, beaten,
and run over by a car, the maniac
cannot be defeated!” Don't
I wish it was true. There’s
at least twenty minutes of insane
trash virtue here. Unfortunately,
Horror House On Highway 5
prattles on for a messy eighty-something.
It’s your call.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 03.23.06 |
To wig or not to wig
Is this guy good or what?
Send help
Drunk ass
|
