HOME SWEET HOME (1982)
Directed by Nettie Pena
Media Home Entertainment VHS
THE FILM
No matter how grande the feast,
there's always the chance that Thanksgiving
day festivities could go south.
It's all football, coffee, and sleep;
not the most exciting way to cap
off a holiday. Worry no more.
Thanks to Home Sweet Home,
a Thanksgiving slasher (!) produced
by Don Edmunds (producer-director
of Terror
On Tour), the available
post-dinner options are, to put
it mildly, endless. When the Laz-E-Boy
slumps and the mashed potatoes grow
cold, you're going to need a few
alternatives to keep that gravy
train rolling. Try these on for
size:
1. MUSIC. This one's easy, 'cause
music heals every soul. Especially
on Thanksgiving. All you need to
do is paint your face like a mime,
strap on a portable backpack/amplifier,
plug in a guitar, and slide around
on Aunt Viv's hardwood floors. Home
Sweet Home suggests a series
of shrill Stevie Ray Vaughn licks,
but Nuno Bettencourt and Steve Vai
also offer a vast back catalog of
holiday appropriated shredding.
You can find their music in a Google
search for "real rock 'n' roll."
2. HAVE SEX. Everybody likes sex.
Make lots of it. Do it in the Mustang
convertible (or Honda Civic or Ford
Festiva), in the bedroom, in front
of your children, in your attached
apartment, whatever. The sky's the
limit! Fun, easy, and no one will
fall asleep.
3. MAGIC TRICKS. If your loved ones
are too prude with the sexy stuff
(I mean, COME ON!), they'll love
this one. All you need are four
metal balls, an egg, more mime make
up (stock up now), and a whispery
tone. We've all watched David Copperfield
on TV. He has a ridiculous haircut.
As long as you use mousse, you're
halfway there.
4. PCP. Obvious, but surprisingly
effective. Just like the goony slasher
in Home Sweet Home (Jake
Steinfeld, as in "Body By Jake"),
you can inject PCP through your
family's tongues and watch the fun
unfold. Atomic elbow drops on car
hoods! A severe case of the giggles!
Death by guitar! FYI: drugs go along
great with hot apple pie, PCP included.
Put your new knowledge to use.
Don't get scared off by all this
"business." As far as
terrible slashers go, Home Sweet
Home is a pretty good time.
It's like a shot on video feature,
but not. Basically, weird looking
guys snag hott babes as Jake prowls
the house in a non-motivated killing
spree on Thanksgiving night. He
also runs over an old lady with
a station wagon. There's no backstory
to anything, characters included,
and the film devolves into padding
and darkness at the hour mark. With
all the PCP, sex, and hot shreddin'
going on, I can't be bothered to
notice.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Darkness is a trend. Ghosthouse,
The
Nesting, Humongous...just
rent some lights, people.
EXTRAS
Everyone's way too full for extras,
including Media Home Entertainment.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Be thankful, USA! Home Sweet
Home offers bloody, ridiculous
thrills in addition to the expected
holiday inspiration. Being the only
turkey-day horror film in existence
is a tall order to fill. This year,
there are no complaints at our house.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 11.23.05 |
I can hear music
Closin' deals
Everybody likes magic too
PCP: it really works!
|
