FRANKENSTEIN STALKS (2000)
Directed by David “The Rock” Nelson
David “The Rock” Nelson VHS
Reviewed 10.26.04
Buy It From David "The Rock" Nelson

THE FILM
Narrator: The Deadbeat Drive-In. A place where you’re always welcome -- no one will bother you.

Dr. Wolf Von Frank: Get that electricity...uh...set up. Get that antenna set up! I’m not getting good reception.

Carl/Ivan/Dr. Frank’s Assistant: Yes, master. I will get my chain out! Bleeughuah!

Frankenstein’s Monster: I need a friend to talk to.

Rocksella: Detective Rock, I saw the Frankenstein monster in the old cemetery! He does exist.

Detective Rock: Whyya tryin’ to bother me? I gotta drink my java, eat my munchies. I gotta watch monsta movies, man! They’re always interrupting me! There’s no Frankenstein’s monster. Oh c’mon man, he’s made up! That’s gibberish, that’s old country superstitions. I gotta go watch monster movies. My brother’s movies, man. He makes monsta movies!

Narrator: Meanwhile, back at the cah-stle. Brrrinng (telephone impression).

Got all that? Welcome to the world of Frankenstein Stalks, prolific video auteur David “The Rock” Nelson’s frenzied homage to the very basest aspects of the Frankenstein mythos. “Basest” in that the entire film consists of Nelson running around in the most amazingly bad Frankenstein mask ever conceived, engaging in passive “attacks” with anyone who gets close enough. If it sounds similar to his other two hour videos, you’re completely right. It is. However, the glaring difference with Frankenstein Stalks is that it’s probably the closest thing to a “real” film that The Rock has yet produced. Less off-putting weirdness, more spooky, hilarious simplicity. Mind you, we’re on a “Rock” Nelson scale...

With that in mind, Frankenstein Stalks finds The Rock at his most charming -- playing pretty much every role, save for a few celeb cameos, a brief appearance from “ghoul-fiend” Janet, and a few ambivalent victims. The happenings never get too over the top (outside of the Monster’s “pit stop”) and the child-like allure for nostalgic monster stuff is there in spades: spooky cemeteries, three dollar masks, and a secret wish for Halloween all year ‘round. The eating scenes make an appearance (‘natch!), but unlike the Pumpkinman tape, they never overshadow the meat of our hero’s plight.

Can you find honest-to-goodness film comfort in watching a guy from Des Plaines, IL, running around in a cheap Frankenstein mask at a local cemetery? I think so. The world could learn a lot from David “The Rock” Nelson.

AUDIO AND VIDEO
A sea of Atari-2600 sound effects, abundant “night” scope camera settings, and in-costume remote control editing. Always a welcome sight.

EXTRAS
Immediately following the movie wrap-up, we get a special celebration from the Rock’s basement: Frankenstein Stalks is finished! Also included are a few minutes of outtakes and a brief Nelson appearance on Chicago’s WGN morning show (promoting Frankenstein Stalks, of course). In keeping with the expected tradition, the tape runs out before the clip does.

FINAL THOUGHTS
In the grand cannon of Nelson’s filmography, Frankenstein Stalks is a definitive moment. Have you stumbled upon the perfect Halloween mood-setter? A must own.

Whatta mask!


Lab knobs


Caught in the stalks


Always time for the zzz's