FRANKENSTEIN 1970 (1958)
Directed by Howard W. Koch
Warner Brothers VHS
Reviewed 01.26.05
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Why thank you, Mr. Karloff. I actually didn’t order a ham sandwich for lunch today, but I’ll gladly eat this one up. You’ve just made my afternoon.

Welcome to Frankenstein 1970. Karloff limps across the room. Camera follows. Karloff throws lots of switches. Camera sits still. Karloff examines a sculpted bust of himself. Camera pulls back. Karloff cuts some fabric on the monster’s hand. Camera closes in. Karloff plays tennis (just kidding). Throw in some atomic mumbo-jumbo, a skull-faced mummy creature, an inordinate amount of nothing and what do you get? Figure it out for yourself; it’s time to move on.

A movie production troupe is filming their new horror pot-boiler on the grounds of the “cahstle” Frankenstein. The good Baron Boris Karloff, last in the line of Frankensteins, has gladly accepted their offer to unspool some film: he’s on the skids. Needing greenbacks to fund mysterious lab equipment, the Baron gladly gives these high falootin’ artistes (the director of photography wears a beret, duh) free reign to the grounds...as long as they don’t enter the laboratory. After tons of dialogue vomiting, we discover that the Baron his been secretly building a new monster below the castle’s ancient burial grounds. But he still needs a few parts. Line ‘em up and file into the catacombs.

Falling somewhere between Ed Wood’s Bride Of The Monster and Universal’s House Of Frankenstein (heavy on the Wood, as Charlotte Austin, gorilla-tease from Eddie’s The Bride And The Beast has a meaty role), “Frankenstein 1970” is a dopey simpleton with loads of goofy charms. The entire film rotates on repetitiveness, whether it be Karloff’s dominating screen shuffles (which the camera can’t seem to get enough of), the “disappearances” of cast members as they’re killed for body parts, or the endless bouts of meaningless gobbledygook. Despite the dire need for edits, I was surprised by the frequent spurts of unintentional laughs; Boris dropping some rubber eyes and slapping his leg in denial, the lab’s “tick-tock” organ score, and the monster’s elephantine head. They even throw in a real bloody heart -- but that’s not funny. Or is it?

Cheap, rushed, and filled with over-the-top acting, there’s not much to do but marvel at this wonder of late 50s oddness. The cheap-yet-amazing lab sets alone will beg you to differ. But what’s with the title? I’ll ponder that question as I finish up my last bit of sandwich.

AUDIO AND VIDEO
The full frame, pan and scan print looks suprisingly crisp. Scratches show up from time to time, but that’s no biggie. The mono sound had some great hiss tagging along.

EXTRAS
I step it up to a big shot like Warner Brothers and what do I get? Credits in widescreen.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Taken at face value, this film is a Saturday afternoon spooky of the highest order. Just know what you’re getting into and guaranteed fun will be knocking on your door.

What a beaut


I remain baffled


Way too loud


Copyright = not expired