BITS AND PIECES (1985)
Directed by Leland Thomas
Trans World Entertainment VHS
Reviewed 03.20.08
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Calling all ladies!

Of course, that is but a surface level call-to-action. Sure, Bits And Pieces features the first (and only) use of male-strippers-as-padding in an early 80s trash film. But, the film also provides a handy "Guide To Scoring With Your Star Witness" for balding, middle-aged police lieutenants who say things like "SHEEEIIIT! We gotta stop this f-in' psycho!". Exegesis: Everyone in the world can benefit from the grimy gibberish that is Bits And Pieces. Given the chance, everyone will. We've only just begun.

Club 2001 is open. The synth-pop is mentally challenged. The women are loose, but picky. And the strippers? They're dudes. It is here that meek Mr. Arthur channels George McFly whilst stalking his female prey. Prey which, of course, end up trussed, stabbed, and dismembered in his oily shack. Why, Arthur, why?! Did your Mommy catch you peeking in on her sexcapades? And then dress you up as a girl at her boyfriend's insistence? And now you're an adult who kills women because they're all daytime whores -- just like Mommy? Yes? I think I'm onto something. Luckily, the aforementioned cop, a college student named Rosie, and an air-conducting father (like air-guitar, but strictly Classical) are onto the same thing. Still, we've only just begun.

Remember Crazed? It was downbeat, cheap, and provided an earnest, if difficult, interpretation of psycho-sexual perversion. Now, imagine all of that, but subtract the "difficult" and add "confused". There be Bits And Pieces, a film from one-time/best-time director Leland Thomas, which translates apparent simplicity into a far more palpable form of junk entertainment. This is groundless, majestic stupidity. Behold: Body oil. Sweat. Blood. Too much bondage. Beach/love montage. An insult known only as "apple ass". Frequent establishing shots. Baffling outbursts. No names 'til the 40 minute mark. Ethel Merman “Mommy” overdubs. Jacuzzis. Camaros. Water-stained ceilings. Random guitar solos. And yes, a tense and violent climax. Sheeeiiit.

Make room, ladies. You've got company.

AUDIO AND VIDEO
The print was overly dark and fuzzy. The mono sound was quite muffled. Really, not very good; really, very good.

EXTRAS
Lieutenant: "What did you say that license plate was?"

Cop: "B-G-D-A-D-D-Y. Hmm. I guess that means Big Daddy."

Me: "LELAND THOMAS, GIVE ME BACK MY LICENSE PLATE."

FINAL THOUGHTS
Is everyone in the world reading this right now? I thought so. You should all do yourself a favor and find a copy of the lovingly ridiculous Bits And Pieces. It's not an all-out trash classic, but it is slimy fun. And we like to have slimy fun, don't we? I thought so again. May luck be on your side...apple ass.

Sux to be you


Roll over, Beethoven


Settling The Score


He has a calculator on his wrist (if you need one).