ALYAS
BATMAN EN ROBIN (1991)
Directed by Tony Reyes
Gray Market VHS
Reviewed 03.04.04
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
Roll out the red carpet of derangement.
Alyas Batman En Robin is
now in the building. I’m going
to give it to you straight here.
The word “stupefying”
doesn’t begin to do this film
justice.
Alyas Batman En Robin hails
from the Philippines. It’s
a cheap and unbelievable comedy/action/musical
featuring Batman, Robin, the Joker,
Penguin, and Catwoman. It was released
in '91, but looks and sounds like
a hideous cross between ‘77
and ‘88. Most of the dialogue
seems to be in several languages
that I don’t understand. Mid-conversation,
the actors sometimes break into
english for no reason whatsoever
(“Dish is a stick up!”).
Most of the time, my jaw was on
the floor. If you’ve read
this paragraph and haven’t
thought, “Gee, this sounds
like it might be the best film ever,”
then I'll have to force you to leave
this site.
Ok. Instead of boring you with a
plot synopsis (which is a bit difficult
anyway, since I can’t understand
the language), I’m just going
to give you a small list of some
of the happenings that will scorch
your eyes during this film. You
know, the proverbial tip-of-the-iceberg,
so to speak:
• The songs: imagine “Pretty
Woman,” “Let’s
Go To The Hop,” and “Surfin’
USA,” just played through
cheap Casio pre-sets with lyrics
like “Oh my god, Batman and
Robin! Holy cow, Batman and Robin!”
and “They call me Mr. Joker-man!”
• Very gnarly air-guitar workout
by a dueling Joker and Penguin
• Fight scenes that seem to
define the word “amateur”
• Batman dream sequence in
which he saves a girl by a pool
while dressed in his “spare”
costume -- stone washed jeans, black
boots, a muscle tee, Lone Ranger
mask, and suspenders
• Beautiful slow jam duet
between Kevin (Robin’s secret
identity) and his girlfriend, set
to outdoor scenes of running water
and painful close-ups of the actors’
faces
Now it’s almost two hours
later (really). Why is Spiderman
so...small...?
AUDIO AND VIDEO
This is one of the worst looking
grey market VHS tapes that I own.
The tape is old and probably on
its last legs -- wiggly lines run
throughout the film and there wasn't
much clarity. It was a little difficult
to watch. The soundtrack was quite
loud and audible.
EXTRAS
Ha!
FINAL THOUGHTS
So delirious, so cheap, and so good.
Forget about pondering why it was
made or what they're aiming for...just
see this movie. |
Spacious two-car Batcave
"No problem! Don't worry, be
happy!"
Penguin gets his gun
Dudes, thumbs up
|
