MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981)
Directed by George Mihalka
Paramount Home Video DVD
THE FILM
Valentine's Bluff has a problem.
They only have one bar and its run
by a real jerk. Ladies and gentlemen,
that's me kidding. These jokes are
free. For real, the town hasn't
celebrated Valentine's Day in twenty
years because of Harry Warden. Harry
was a pissed off miner who killed
several people over a Valentine's
Day related accident. With the killings
came the decree, "Lay off Valentine's
Day!" And, everyone has. Until
now... With the coming of the first
Valentine's Day Dance in two decades,
someone has returned to put a stop
to the fun. Is it Harry Warden?
And, how far will he go to stop
the festivities? And, did you really
need that plot description? And,
doesn't this style of writing bother
you?
I remember seeing Siskel & Ebert
review My Bloody Valentine
on Sneak Previews back in 1981.
They showed the scene where the
greaser guy gets killed in the kitchen
during the party or the scene where
the other guy opens the fridge and
doesn't see the body inside. I think
it was probably the latter but it
may have been the former. (I remember
that curtain instead of a door that
led into the kitchen.) S&E didn't
like it. They seemed desperately
tired of everything and anything
to do with slasher films, which
weren't really called that at the
time.
I was eight, however, and I loved
it. I needed to see that movie.
Many kids I knew grew up with the
John Hughes teen comedies. They
could quote them, dress like folks
in them and have endless exclusionary
conversations about them. I grew
up with the slasher films, although
I didn't really watch them until
years later. Certain images, scenes,
taglines and titles burnt into my
mind. My Bloody Valentine
was one of them. The man in the
miner's uniform with the gas mask
and the pickaxe was something I
put on my "To Watch When I'm
Not So Scared" List. It got
crossed off that list sometime around
my 15th birthday. That day, I wanted
to become a miner.
My Bloody Valentine is
a well-produced, tense thriller
that climaxes in a genuinely creepy
closing half-hour. It is a film
you could show to a non-slasher
fan very comfortably. If they can
get past the first ten minutes or
so, they should be set. That first
quarter hour introduces a pile of
characters that yell a lot, speak
in exposition and appear completely
interchangeable. I could see someone
running a long mile while watching
these, frankly, annoying scenes.
Then, the filmmakers do something
clever. Suddenly, they slow it down
and a love triangle is developed.
It may seem slightly out of place
if all you want is killings but
it works well here. It may also
convince people who believe that
these sorts of films offer nothing
but death that they might be incorrect.
(Just don't show them Don't
Go In The Woods right after
this.) The secondary characters
never really get developed but there
is a mainline slasher agenda here
so I let it ride.
Even Howard has his place. Howard
is the Comic
Relief. He's played by Alf Humphreys,
who I have seen on at least three
X-Files episodes ("Space",
"The Blessing Way",
"Detour") and several
other shows. I think he does a good
job. It's not his fault that the
"Comic Relief!" is given
nothing but unfunny things to do.
Although if the crowd knows each
other as well as is implied, the
Comic Relief would, technically,
need to do practically nothing to
make them laugh. It's not much fun
for the audience who wouldn't
understand the inside jokes but
it is realistic. Of course, if he's
truly meant to be funny, then you
can pretend this paragraph isn't
here.
I think you can safely use Halloween,
Black Christmas, Friday
the 13th (if folks are up for
something sloppier) and, possibly,
The
Burning (it'll have a few
folks they'll recognize) to get
people into slashers. My Bloody
Valentine is an excellent one,
also. I thought I had something
new and groundbreaking to say about
My Bloody Valentine. I
don't. It's not the sort of film
that requires rediscoveries or new
revelations. Yes, having it on DVD
uncut would be nice. But, the killings
get by on suggestion and the little
bits we see fuel the imagination.
Watch it today or watch it again
tomorrow. For the fresh, tragic
and pungent bouquet of 80s slashers,
you can't get better vintage than
this.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
The film sounds great. No frills
but nice. The letterboxing on the
DVD really helps. It adds back all
that eerie empty space that floats
around the characters, like in Halloween.
EXTRAS
None. My extras: Something I've
always wondered about that didn't
fit into the review.
"It's 60 feet deep." I
love mines but I've never understood
that scene. They walk along a wooden
bridge that is right on top of water.
A sign notifies them that something
is sixty feet deep and it is dangerous.
Axel is knocked into the water.
When T.J. is asked what they can
do to help him he says, "Nothing.
It's 60 feet deep." And they
let him sink. Why can't they go
after him? I understand that the
miners probably have a lot of gear
on that weighs them down but why
wouldn't they take it off if they
hit the water? Is it not water?
It's near "the sump" and
I'm not quite sure what that is.
Does the water pull people right
to the bottom? When I saw it the
first time, it was creepy enough
that this never occurred to me.
Now...well?*
FINAL THOUGHTS
It is as close to a "regular
movie" as slashers get. I keep
a lookout for the weird ones but
I'm comfortable with the "saner,
regular" ones. My Bloody
Valentine is as sane as a slasher
gets and is not worse off because
of it. Watch the DVD today, take
a job in a mine tomorrow.
*I flipped through a miner's dictionary
and found out what a sump is, I
think. It's a place where they keep
water that they come across while
mining. Sort of a storage cavern
where water waits to be pumped to
the surface. So, the "60 feet
deep" may refer to the depth
of the cavern, not the depth of
the water. The water just happens
to be up to the bridge. The person
who does the pumping at the end
of the day keeps it under the bridge.
(Some of this is extrapolated.)
But, why can't T.J. go after Axel?
I still don't get that. If you're
interested in hearing more or are
a miner, give us a yell. I may have
gotten some of this wrong. And,
I'm always up for learning
more about mines.
— Dan Budnik, 11.16.06 |
Safe and sane
Yes, but where is Howard?
That's inspiration
No more pumps
|
