LAS VEGAS BLOOD BATH (1989)
(part of SERIAL PSYCHOS: 6 MOVIE
PACK)
Directed by David Schwartz
Pendulum Pictures/Mill Creek Entertainment
DVD
THE FILM
Sometimes a Shot-On-Video special
from the late 80s will sneak right
up on you. Sometimes it'll
put you right to sleep. Sometimes
they will sneak up on you very slowly
while putting you to sleep at the
same time.
David Schwartz, how are you? Do
you still see the girls from B.L.O.W.?
Is Ari Levin still a friend of yours?
If I were asked to describe the
plot of Las Vegas Bloodbath,
I would say something like "a
man finds out his wife is cheating
on him and goes on a low-key rampage"
and leave it at that. But, when
I sat down to write this, to elaborate
on my feelings about this movie,
they were a sloppy mess, like the
blood-filled bathroom in the closing
scene of this film. So, I've
divided this review into three sections.
Join me for...
Section 1: A Series of Beginnings
In an early scene, a woman with
extremely ridiculous hair and a
man in devilishly tight underpants
fool around in bed. The man takes
off his clothes in the least erotic
revelation of human flesh since
Ham walked in on his father Noah
and saw him nude way back in the
Book of Genesis. You'd forgive
me for looking away as the almost-nude
man approached the woman in the
ridiculous wig for sweet lovemaking.
This is why God invented booze.
I was in the Boy Scouts for five
years and never reached the rank
of Star. I believe it went Star,
Life and then Eagle. Those were
the big three. I always floated
at the bottom, near the beginner
ranks. I liked hanging out and camping
but I hated all the scout stuff.
I especially hated knots. I was
terrible at them. There was one
knot I knew completely: the Larkshead
Hitch. I can still tie it today.
After watching this film, I might
have learned a few more through
SOV osmosis. At least five minutes
(possibly a lot more) of this 76-minute
long film, consists of Sam (the
killer) tying up women. And, that's
a lot of women. I watched, I learned,
I fell asleep, I had a sandwich.
If these films can teach and entertain,
what chance does decent society
have?
Do you like daytime whores? Sam
doesn't. I've no opinion.
It's something to think about.
One of the things I love about these
movies is the odd, odd choices directors
make in editing, acting, structure
and so forth. This one has odd choices
all the way around, but it's the
structure that takes it. For the
first 22 minutes, we watch as Sam
(Ari Levin) kills his wife and her
lover. Then, he kills a "daytime
whore" and a bartender. At this
point, the last thing I was thinking
was "Hey! Maybe now the director
will cut to a half-dozen women sitting
in a living room. Maybe they'll
try on bikinis, talk aimlessly,
have some donuts and beer, watch
themselves oil wrestle on TV and
make fun off their pregnant friend."
David Schwartz, you keep me guessing!
A little more than 22 minutes of
the film follows these women passing
the time before the killer arrives.
It is alternately audacious and
mystifying. I can't say I loved
it or hated it. I certainly watched
it.
Word of warning: If a movie takes
place primarily in one location
and the actors go in a room where
the walls are covered with some
sort of construction paper, there
may be blood thrown around. Not
a 100% certainty, but a good predictor.
What's wrong with daytime
whores? Don't they provide
a valuable service?
The
Mummy and the Curse of the Jackal
and The Night Stalker and
Las Vegas Bloodbath can
all be watched for their Las Vegas
locations. You can see the strip
developing and growing. It's kind
of neat. I also swear to the Heavens
that I've seen the same elderly
couple in all three movies. They
laugh at the Mummy, they pass a
worried Kolchak, and they give the
camera a little smile when Sam passes
by. If these were your grandparents,
give us a yell.
You can feel it when you watch some
films. It's a sense of excitement
when the ending draws close. A rising
feeling of "Oh boy!" that won't
stay hidden. When Las Vegas
Bloodbath freeze-framed on
the closing shot of terror, I knew
it would happen. There would be
a theme song! And, it was good.
My wife and I were singing "Las
Vegas Bloodbath" for the next few
hours. It's not as concise as the
Don't Go In The Woods
theme or as goofball as the Faces
of Death IV theme but it's
pretty hot. Whatever else the film
does to you, tune in for that.
I have no moral problem with daytime
whores. But, then I don't see many
of them.
Section 2: My Wife's Comments
My wife doesn't a watch a lot of
these things with me. They're not
really her cup of tea. However,
she joined me for much of Las
Vegas Bloodbath. I've compiled
her responses here.
She giggled and laughed quite a
bit during the terribly un-erotic
love scene. In fact, I looked at
my shoes while I watched it the
first time. She was out of the room.
I wanted to show her the big hair
of the lady. Somehow we got back
to the love scene and she would
not let me fast forward over it.
She was amazed at the anti-erotic
vibe it let off.
There is a scene where Sam picks
up a hooker in the afternoon. A
car drives by and beeps at them.
The woman says, "What's his problem?"
"I don't know," Sam replies. "Maybe
he doesn't like DAYTIME WHORES!"
I laughed. My wife asked what was
happening. I told her. Several minutes
later, she yelled my name. I asked
her what was going on. And, she
said, simply, "Do you like daytime
whores?' A catchphrase is born.
The women who we spend a lot of
time with are members of B.L.O.W.
-- Beautiful Ladies (of) Oil Wrestling.
I'd imagined it was similar to mud
wrestling. At one point, the ladies
watch themselves on TV and we see
about five minutes of oil wrestling.
"So, it's a bunch of women rolling
around on garbage bags covered in
hot oil." My wife pegged it. It
looks like a group of half-hearted
women in bikinis rolling around
on a lot of black garbage bags.
You have to look really hard to
see the oil. I wonder if B.L.O.W.
still prospers.
I mentioned a donuts and beer scene
earlier. (They also eat pizza.)
As the women talk, they eat. I suddenly
noticed something that never really
hit me until this scene. That thing
where camcorders can muffle dialogue
but when people are smacking and
chewing and slurping it sounds like
they are inside your head. My wife
watched the pregnant woman in a
bikini eat a large donut and drink
milk. She rarely closed her mouth.
She chewed really loud and dribbled
milk on her self. After a minute
of this, my wife said that watching
this woman eat that donut was the
sickest thing in the film. I started
to get queasy too. Luckily, we get
to watch her wolf down pizza later.
As I mentioned, we couldn't stop
singing "Las Vegas Bloodbath" a
little later.
My wife joined me for Fatal
Images later that night.
She fell asleep, though. One a day
is enough. I understand that completely.
Section 3: My Thoughts
Las Vegas Bloodbath is
amateurish, gory, boring, funny,
mystifying, entrancing and unwatchable.
That's a pretty good swath for a
very-cheap 80s SOV film to cover.
Each one of those attributes should
have a "very" in front of it. That
sums up the film. It's not good
but for most of the time I couldn't
take my eyes off of it. It's nasty,
but apart from one or two moments,
the nastiness is foolishness. The
unfortunate thing is that, in the
end, I can deal with boring. Night
Of Horror is boring but I love
it. It's the pacing that can make
the film such a tough watch. Continents
drift faster than this movie. A
minute lasts five and that's not
good.
I watched it. Maybe I'll watch it
again. But, I can't recommend it
without fear of getting punched.
It'll probably just annoy you. Of
course, some folks enjoy being annoyed
so, if you're one of those folks,
seek it out.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Muffled camcorder audio. All food
eaten is heard perfectly to the
point of nausea. Love that camcorder
look. There are a couple of rolls
here and there. Sometimes the lighting
and the video combine to make certain
rooms look aggressively bland. The
gore in the final scene is sloppy
though. Don't know if that's anything
to do with the video but, hey, why
not?
EXTRAS
It's part of the 2 disc "Serial
Psychos" set. There are no
extras but some of the other films
are worth your time. Two of the
films are re-titled and might be
familiar so I'll let you go in and
be surprised like I was.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Gory, yes. Good, no. Watchable,
mostly. There are definitely great
and sublime moments in here but,
Mother of Pearl! That pacing! If
you are a SOV completist like myself,
watch Las Vegas Bloodbath.
Otherwise, well…my wife laughed.
If you run across it, why not? True
weirdness is in such short supply.
Add a little extra to your day.
While you're at it, meet the Girls
of B.L.O.W. (No joke follows.)
— Dan Budnik, 02.01.07 |
President: Nic Cage Fanclub (impeached)
Do you like daytime whores?
All American B.L.O.W.
Oh boy!
|
