THE EMBALMER (1966)
Directed by Dino Tavella
Alpha DVD
Reviewed 09.30.04
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Ah, here it is. The final puzzle piece in what is arguably the greatest triple bill of all time (at least title-wise). Yes, on a brisk autumn evening in 1971, three quarters in hand, the wide-eyed junk lover could walk down to his or her favorite cinematheque and feast upon this unbelievable night of entertainment -- The Corpse Grinders, The Undertaker And His Pals, and The Embalmer. Making its DVD debut, I’m finally able to absorb The Embalmer, completing this long awaited digital triptych.

Coming across as a German “krimi,” just shot in Italy, better paced, and not as confusing, The Embalmer is a prime example of the magnetic charm inherent in spooky trash films. Faux-artsy camera maneuvers weave around a very creepy underground lair, as a black-cloaked sicko babbles on about his “secret potions” and the beautiful women that he kills and displays. Gads! But I’m getting ahead of myself.

On the banks of Rome’s moonlit canals, a scuba-suited killer is attacking women and dragging them beneath the water. Once reaching the dank starkness of his underwater lair, our boogeyman changes duds and “embalms” the women (sometimes after a brief fondle) with his potion, forever preserving their “fresh” gleam in vertical coffins. Naturally, the police are completely speechless and it’s up to reporter Andreas to take care of business. Splitting his time between a gaggle of female tourists and some undisclosed secrets at the local hotel, Andreas slowly discovers a connection between the disappearances and the killer’s river digs. It all leads up to a skull-faced reveal and a genuinely effective climax that begs of you: can your ticker stand the creeps?!

Despite a few slow moments of incidental, lifeless dialogue, The Embalmer gets an “A” in good ol’ horrific fun. The high contrast black & white photography paired up with the skull-faced facade made for a very fulfilling watch. There’s a fair share of totally misplaced music, goofy dubbing, and the killer’s voice and accompanying dialogue are straight off of a Halloween sound effects LP, but that’s all part of the appeal. There's even a non-sensical ending. Nothing’s ever perfect, right? Good thing The Embalmer comes awfully close.

AUDIO AND VIDEO
A round of applause is in order. The widescreen print of this semi-rarity is one of the better looking Alpha discs I’ve come across. A small amount of scratching is present, but the picture is crisp and clean overall, with rich blacks and lots of high contrast photography. Some compression was evident during really dark scenes and the mono sound was loud and clear. One drawback: at 39 minutes, an odd, grey-screened pause occurred, followed by a brief jump cut. The runtime was 77 minutes, not 79 as listed on the back cover art.

EXTRAS
In addition to the usual cover gallery, we’re treated to seven minutes of trailers for some of the newer films that Alpha has on their release plate.

FINAL THOUGHTS
The Embalmer has finally arrived on DVD and it’s a near perfect spook film. Given the low price and top notch print, I think you know what to do. I feel a certain three movie marathon coming on...

Potion party


Sounds good!


Pretty models all in a row


Definitely scary