DOCTOR
GORE (1973)
HOW TO MAKE A DOLL (1967)
Directed by J.G. Patterson/Herschell
Gordon Lewis
Something Weird DVD
Reviewed 02.06.04
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILMS
Have you ever asked yourself, “Wow,
I wonder if it’s possible
to create the perfect woman -- all
by myself!?” No? Me either.
Apparently, somebody did, ‘cause
this amazing disc from Something
Weird presents two answers to that
stoic and timeless question for
the ages. Folks, meet Dr. Don Brandon
(“Doctor Gore” to his
friends) and Professor Percy Corly...you
will not be prepared for the weirdness
that unfolds.
J.G. “Pat” Patterson
was an assistant director, gore
wiz, and jack of all trades on several
of Herschell Gordon Lewis’
later period films. But that doesn’t
matter. In 1973, he decided to make
his own movie. It was called The
Body Shop, became Doctor
Gore in the 80s, and is now
here for your viewing pleasure.
And what a pleasure it is. Patterson
struck bad movie gold.
Dr. Don Brandon (J.G. Patterson)
has unfortunately lost his wife
to an accident. We hear about it
over a transistor radio while swans
frolic in a lake. In narration that
sounds pretty similar to Elvis Presley’s
spoken word in “Are You Lonesome
Tonight,” the good doctor
decides he’s going to bring
his wife back from the dead. When
digging the body up, wrapping her
in foil, and attaching electrodes
just makes her start on fire, he
gives up. And smokes a lot of cigarettes.
Next logical step? Why of course!
Seduce some girls (despite the gargantuan
comb-over and numerous facial growths),
kill them, and take the most attractive
parts from each to create the perfect
woman! Don’t forget to enlist
the aid of Greg, the red headed,
afro’d hunchback that wheezes
and grunts like a miniature version
of Tor Johnson’s “Lobo.”
Where to begin? Amidst nonsensical
and frequent jump cuts, an amazing
electronic and organ-based score,
and ghastly, but theatrical looking
gore, you STILL have J.G. Patterson’s
giant head and hilarious musical
interludes with country singer Bill
Hicks. Dialogue is simply insane
and hilarious. Doctor Gore is a fantastically bad movie and
should be heralded as a classic.
You’ll laugh, cringe, and
drop your jaw. I had a blast watching
this film.
So forget about the gore and spooky
stuff now. How To Make A
Doll is a film that’s
so odd, so strangely concocted,
that it defies categorization. There’s
no rhyme or reason and I can’t
begin to figure out what this movie
is aiming for. Comedy? Sci-fi? Nudie-cutie
with no nudity? I think it may have
been filmed on another planet.
Let’s just dive in. There’s
this spazzy college professor named
Percy Corly. He’s a 32 year
old textbook-case nerd and doesn’t
seem to have any luck with the ladies.
College kids are usually making
out around him and he’s fascinated
by the subject. Percy drives around
in his red mini-car and gets his
neck tie stuck in the doorway a
lot. Spurned on by his mother and
frustrated by his lack of success
with the opposite sex, Percy and
his professor friend figure out
a way to create bikini-clad girls
with their super computer. Let the
party begin. But will Percy tire
of the goods and seek real romance,
not just the superficial kind? Get
yourself through 78 minutes and
find out!
Now, I’ve read a few reviews
for this film. Terms that come to
mind frequently are “unwatchable,”
“pointless,” and “a
chore to sit through.” Well,
I’m here to set the record
straight: How To Make A Doll is an unknown bad film peach, just
ripe for the pickens. It’s
so off the wall and out there, that
I couldn’t take my eyes off
of the screen. The acting and line
delivery is completely over the
top. The computer spouts tons of
ridiculous sounds and dialogue for
minutes on end. The jokes are preschool
level awful. The computer is comprised
of some wood paneling, a lite-brite,
a punch card typewriter, and an
IBM reel of tape. The whole thing
looks thrown together and extremely
cheap. The ending makes no sense!
None of it makes sense! I can’t
say any more...I...love...you...
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Both films are presented full frame.
Doctor Gore looks
pretty fantastic. I didn’t
notice many scratches and the colors
are big and bright. The audio was
also very crisp and clear. How
To Make A Doll had it’s
share of scratches, similar to Lewis’
other films of this period, but
it’s definitely an above average
print. The audio, on the other hand,
was completely muffled, distorted,
and well, abysmal. The dialogue
sounded like it was recorded in
someone’s bathroom with a
toy microphone.
EXTRAS
The strange extras fit this very
strange double bill like a glove.
First, treat yourself to a number
of similarly themed trailers, ranging
from goofy and fun to gory to completely
sleazy and gross. My favorite was
Dr. Black & Mr. Hyde -- more catch phrases than you can
count.
Next up, we’ve got three shorts
and a gallery of old horror magazine
cover art. Perhaps the best extra
on this disc is the 80s-era introduction
taped for early video copies of
Doctor Gore. Yep,
the film is introduced by Herschell
Gordon Lewis himself, expounding
on the virtues of J.G. Patterson
in his own inarticulate way. It’s
great to see. The next short is
pointless and completely boring...it’s
an early Hammer film from the 30s
called “The Vampire From Marrakesh.”
I’m glad it’s only nine
minutes. Thirdly, we have “Maniac
Hospital.” This short seems
to concern the horrors of making
time with a prostitute and reminded
me of an early David Lynch short.
Very odd, quite tame, and trying
hard to be artsy.
Lastly, we have a commentary track
on Doctor Gore with
Jeffrey Hogue, owner of Majestic
International Pictures (the company
that owns the film) and film historian
Cynthia Starr-Soroka. It’s
pretty fascinating, as Mr. Hogue
recounts his experiences and origins
in the movie business. The track
is intelligent, articulate, and
jam-packed. The only downside is
that Doctor Gore only
receives around five minutes of
talk time at the 72 minute mark.
But as is, it’s a great listen.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Connoisseurs of very strange cinema
take note: you don’t want
to miss this DVD. Both films are
unknown classics in my book and
it’s the little discoveries
like this that make watching these
types of films so much fun. Buy
it. |
Meet D.G.
Oh, Greg
What's wrong with this picture?
Hand-i-work
Very best car ever
Computer room
How to make some dolls
Percy & Agnes
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