CURSE
OF THE QUEERWOLF (1987)
Directed by Mark Pirro
MTI Home Video DVD
Reviewed 05.30.04
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILM
Congrats, Curse Of The Queerwolf.
You’ve just handed me one
of the single worst film viewing
experiences I’ve ever had.
On a golden platter.
During the “making of”
documentary on this disc, cast members
and director Mark Pirro refer to
this film, Pirro’s follow-up
to horror-comedy A Polish
Vampire In Burbank, as a
“satire of male sexual fears,”
an “irreverent view on gays,”
and a prime example of “timeless
humor.” Are they serious?
That’s like saying Police
Academy II is a groundbreaking
social satire. The material in this
movie isn’t offensive...just
very, very stupid. Try a sexually
explicit parody of the Beverly
Hillbillies theme, a recurring
joke involving dog deaths, and hopeless
homosexual innuendoes that my 90
year old great aunt could spot a
mile away. Laughing yet?
Filmed in glorious Super 8, Curse attempts to lampoon The Wolf
Man, Deliverance,
and copy slapstick like Airplane,
falling firmly on its face in the
process. After an extremely boring
stripclub opening, we meet the main
character, Larry Smalbutt (Hee hee
ha -- the jokes start here and they
don’t stop!) and his friend,
Richard Cheese (Hoo ha, there’s
another one!). Both are macho, but
dorky, dudes that cruise around
looking to get laid. After a successful
score, these two pros bring a couple
of hot 80s babes to Dick’s
apartment. Larry is bitten on the
ass by his date, who turns out to
be a "Queerwolf.” And
get this...are you ready? This film
substitutes the usual turning-into-a-wolf-at-the-full-moon
with turning-into-a-gay-transvestite-at-the-full-moon.
Yep, that’s the golden crown
behind the whole movie. Some exploits
occur, none of which are funny.
Larry is cured of his Queerwolf
ailment by a “Fagxorcist.”
I’m going to stop there.
In the end, Curse is nothing more than what appears
on the surface: a really awful inside
joke carried on by some friends
for way too long. In other words,
embarrassingly juvenile and uninteresting
to outsiders. To top it off, the
film is poorly photographed and
filled with unlikable characters,
making an already bad joke even
worse.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
We have a widescreen print, looking
a bit worse than the previous Polish
Vampire DVD. Most of the
problems involving quality are due
to the source photography, which
is much too dark and almost completely
desaturated. Lines and scratches
are at a minimum, but like the “Polish
Vampire” disc, compression
runs rampant and some very obvious
digital clean up is evident, especially
with blurred line removal. The stereo
sound was also tweaked and remixed,
coming across loud and clear.
EXTRAS
Heading into the supplements, I
was hoping to see the film in a
new light and appreciate the process,
ala Polish Vampire.
Although the extras here are substantial,
including a full length commentary
track and thirty minute “making
of” documentary, they lost
me once I found out this film was
conceived to “make money.”
That’s just not the Super
8 way. Anyway...
Want to hear about the new digital
effects added for this release?
Interested in discovering the director
and his friend talk about how funny
all of the jokes are? Gasp at the
gall it takes to call Ed Wood’s
films “silly” after
birthing this monstrosity? By all
means, check out the commentary
track. On the other hand, if you’d
like hear everyone bitch about the
lead actor and perpetually pat themselves
on the back, take a look at the
documentary. No thanks. The supplements
are rounded out by a new four minute
trailer, a clip of the Queerwolf
in Polish Vampire,
and a Mark Pirro biography.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Poorly executed and truly painful,
even up against the worst of bad
cinema. Even if you enjoyed Mark
Pirro’s previous Super 8 feature,
I wouldn’t recommend being
in the same room with this film. |
Donut shocker
I'd rather be fishing
Glamour shot
Another classic
|
