BLOOD SLAVES OF THE VAMPIRE WOLF (1996)
Directed by Conrad Brooks
Brentwood DVD
Reviewed 07.14.04
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba

THE FILM
Attention! Rather than wax poetic about the glorious mindlessness of Blood Slaves Of The Vampire Wolf, I felt that it might be best to share something special. What follows are excerpts from the filmmaking journal of Mr. Conrad Brooks, Ed Wood veteran and current 73 year old shot-on-video auteur. The entries are sorted by date. Regular review commences with “Audio and Video”...

10/08/95
”Dedicated To The Memory Of Ed Wood.” Ha Ha! I like that. That’s what I’ll put up on the screen there before my new picture starts. In fact, I just finished shooting my first feature movie as a director -- Blood Slaves Of The Vampire Wolf! It’s terrific. Terrific! Sure, it’s a little rough around the edges, but the heart is there. Especially with the Hollywood locations. I set out to make a movie like my pal Eddie and I think he’d be proud. Heck, we even made some video at the old Quality Studios, the very same place that some of Plan 9 was shot. It’s really something how well some of that video footage turned out. Mostly, I just stuck that camcorder up on the tripod and let it sit for a few minutes. Got whole five minute scenes in one long shot! Now that’s what I call using your head (and saving time!).

10/17/95
What a long day. I almost finished editing the whole movie with just my camcorder and VCR. Sometimes those pesky rainbows keep showing up, but I figure you do the best with what you got. On the downside, I noticed a few mistakes, like some spelling mess-ups on signs and when one of my actors said, “What we are going to do with this, Jack?” Ah well. I gave ‘em my best and it’s all up on that TV screen. It’s gonna be a great one. Lead zombie man “Antonio” looks like a big old giant on the screen and he looks scary without any make-up even! I still like the story too. I like how the vampire lady shows up with her slave-man, Monk (played by me!) and tries to sign up some new vampires out of hookers and homeless people. And you know what? Some of those sets we made in the garage with black sheets turned out a-ok in my book.

06/23/96
Well, I’m off to Castlecon 9 in Maryland, the first convention where I’ll be selling VHS copies of my new picture! I decided to edit in a few shots from other movie trailers. This is what adds a little production to bigger things like explosions, which are too hard to do. You only learn that from experience. And my idea to end the picture with talking instead of fighting is a real twist that people will enjoy. And if people enjoy it, it makes money, and that’s good!

AUDIO AND VIDEO
Ok, I’m back. If you’re falling asleep at any moment during this film, don’t worry: the sudden outburst of tape hiss and incidental noise will jar you back to consciousness in no time. When that happens, you’ll be able to better appreciate the dupey-looking, edited-on-a-VHS-deck picture quality. No compression was evident, so what you see is what you get.

EXTRAS
“Blood Slaves...” is part of Brentwood’s “Blood Hunt” 4-movie pack. The set also contains Demon Under Glass, How To Slay A Vampire, and Sorority House Vampires From Hell.

FINAL THOUGHTS
“Actors” clad in black sweatpants and white 80s stone-washed shorts, a nifty soundtrack inspired by Casio presets, and 104 minutes of very unique faces (to say the least). Yep, Mr. Brooks’s first shot-on-video opus is a hilarious sight to behold. And smirk at. Dedicated students of mind-blowingly awful cinema, please take note.

Bathroom happiness


Our man Conrad


Stunning set


Slave