BLOOD FREAK (1972)
Directed by Brad Grinter and Steve
Hawkes
Something Weird DVD
THE FILM
On a weekend in 1988, I had a particularly
rough day at Sunday school. That
night, Jesus H. Christ himself appeared
to me in a pyretic dream.
“My son, you know why I am
here. You have coveted thy neighbor’s
wife, lied on your tax returns,
and consistently drop one nickel
into my offerings basket during
mass. The time has come for your
repentance.”
“But Jesus, I am but a ten
year old boy. Yes, I stole a copy
of the Creepshow graphic
novel from Tommy Shields at school,
but I swear I’ll give it back.
What’s a 'coveted'?”
“SILENCE! Although you have
yet to covet or cheat on a tax form,
YOU PROBABLY WILL! Therefore, the
guilt and mumbling must begin now.
I order you to 42 Hail Marys, 67
Our Fathers, and a threat that you
may burn in hell for placing such
a paltry amount in my offerings
basket. Follow these guidelines,
sinner, or else! Must I relate the
story of Herschell to your petty
ears?”
“Herschell? Who’s Herschell?
Was he friends with Paul or John?”
A decade later I found out. Something
Weird bills it as “The World’s
Only Turkey-Monster-Anti-Drug-Pro-Jesus-Gore-Film!”
Shock Cinema’s Steve
Puchalski summed it concisely with
“...if H.G. Lewis was a raving
Bible freak who made anti-drug films.”
They're both right. This is Blood
Freak. It’s a shot-in-Miami,
near home movie discharge from exploitation
dreg Brad Grinter (Flesh Feast)
and movie biz casualty Steve Hawkes.
Lock the doors and draw the curtains.
The neighbors might be watching.
Overgrown Elvis lookalike Herschell
(Steve Hawkes) is a man of the world.
Plowing down the highway on his
Harley, he stops for a woman on
the side of the road. Her car works
fine. Hersch follows her home and
discovers two things: 1. The woman,
Angel, is a bible thumper ("Your
body is a temple to the holy spirit...don't
defile it.") and 2. Her sister,
Anne, is a pothead nympho with a
love for fake eyebrows and blue
eye shadow. Naturally, after a few
scenes of heavenly refusal, Herschell
gives into Anne's temptations, fully
indulging in backroom sex and pot
parties. Then, the inevitable: reefer
shakes! Pot-needle addiction! Starting
a new job at a turkey farm, Herschell
is chosen to partake in a taste
test. Experimental, chemically enhanced
turkey is ingested. Herschell finds
himself transformed into a turkey-headed,
blood addicted killer. The grit
gore flies. The gobbling sound effects
persist. Can Hersch save himself
through devout worship? Did it really
happen? Will on-screen narrator
(and director) Brad Grinter spit
out those last few words before
keeling over from his smoker's hack?
The road to knowledge is a beautiful
one, dear friend.
Blood Freak is a trash
film Prince Of Peace. Peerless,
disturbed, and completely stupid,
it's a glorification of all things
crooked and perplexing in 70s exploitation
films. The sheer concept (and series
of events) baffles endlessly, making
Grinter and friends' seeming sincerity
a trivial footnote. Blood Freak
is here. Blood Freak is
now and forever. No further investigation
is needed. When Herschell violently
twitches in silent, day-for-night
grace on a dew-dropped lawn, you'll
feel a chill. When the grainy, out
of focus shots capture seemingly
real split-seconds of life in 1972,
you'll soak in the love. When the
looped screams and nasty gore linger
on in dirty, oversaturated grandeur,
you'll squirm in your seat. Most
of the time, the people in the film
can't speak properly. You'll probably
like that too. In fact, there's
not much to dislike about Blood
Freak. Sometimes, that's just
how these things work out.
The cautionary tome of young Herschell's
dilemma is simple. Do drugs and
die. Or, do drugs, become a turkey
headed madman, kill all your friends,
and later find salvation. That seems
like a lot of work to me. Uhh...Jesus?
Can I get some help here?
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Once again, Something Weird delivers.
This is the defining presentation
of a film that demands to be seen
on its own lo-fi terms. Blood
Freak has never looked this
cruddily terrific. That's all you
need to know.
EXTRAS
We'll start out slow and snowball
from there. Starting out, there's
an 8 minute gallery of Eerie Publications
magazine covers, all from the 1970s.
This is repeated on other Something
Weird discs, but never gets old.
Next up is a full trailer for the
feature (which gives everything
away), followed by eight additional
trailers for other blood-themed
scorchers. I was thrilled to see
the spot for The
Dorm That Dripped Blood.
Good stuff.
Onto the shorts. A whopping six
short films are included, all related
to either Mr. Grinter, turkeys,
LSD, or some combination thereof.
Depending on your preferences, you'll
either be wowed by the pop culture
charms or lulled to a deep sleep.
There's "Brad Grinter, Nudist,"
a 10 minute nudie exercise which
finds H.G. Lewis pal Bill Kerwin
and a younger Grinter attempting
to solve the frigidity of Bill's
wife through a romp in the buff.
And yes, they bare it all for the
cameras. Blood Feast will
never be the same. In the 28 minute
classroom scare film "Narcotics:
Pit Of Despair," we follow
the story of Mr. Average High Schooler
John, as he falls deeper and deeper
into the world of "pot needles,"
insane dance parties, and beat lingo
narration. "Beggar At The Gates"
is 24 minutes of documentary interviews
with people that find alternatives
to the typical ways of speaking
with God. You know, like wearing
polyester while speaking in tongues
and tripping on acid. The 19 minute
"Turkeys In The Wild"
is a 1970s educational film that
follows our scary friend, the turkey,
as he frolics, courts the ladies,
and gets hunted. The last of the
shorts, the 12 minute "A Day
Of Thanksgiving," shows us
how whining brats in the 50s were
educated on the true meaning of
Thanksgiving. You've gotta be thankful!
Finally, feast your peepers on the
28 minute "skin-noir"
short film, The Walls Have Eyes.
Starring a much younger Steve Hawkes
(Herschell himself, here looking
like a buff Vincent Gallo), this
droning, black and white softcore
featurette consists of a naked girl
groping herself in front of mirror
before getting it on with Hawkes
on a zebra-decked bed. She's later
blackmailed thanks to a two way
mirror by a grubby motel owner.
Ghost noises fill the soundtrack.
There are a few minutes of travelogue
footage and then Hawkes kicks the
motel owner's ass. Just remember:
"This is a true story. The
names have been changed to protect
the innocent." I didn't catch
any names.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Repeat viewings do not lessen the
alarming violence and uncomfortable
hilarity of Blood Freak.
The presentation is outstanding.
The extras are piled on, but might
bore you aside from the trailers.
Obviously, this isn't about supplements.
Blood Freak is a landmark
release for Something Weird and
a treasure for fans of extremely
strange trash cinema. Covet thy
copy, not thy neighbor's wife.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 01.06.06 |
Herschell gives in...
...Herschell gives up...
...Herschell makes plans...
...as Grinter erupts.
|
