ASYLUM
OF SATAN (1971)
SATAN’S CHILDREN (1974)
Directed by William Girdler/Joe
Wiezycki
Something Weird DVD
Reviewed 07.14.05
Review by Joseph A. Ziemba
THE FILMS
For no good reason, I tend to think
that exploitation films involving
Satan are pretty hilarious. Just
think about it...Satan?! Boogedy-boo!
Up until this point, it’s
been all fun and games; The
Devil Master, Invitation
To Hell, etc. Tonight,
the gleeful world of satanic trash
has come crashing down. Tonight,
I watched Satan’s Children.
I need a drink.
This bursting disc is about to take
you on a whirlwind of emotions,
all of which involve Mr. Lucifer
in some form or another. In one
corner, we have semi-legendary/tragic
director William Girdler’s
Asylum Of Satan, a dreamy
cheapo in which nothing much happens,
but you’re still a slave to
the charm. On the other side of
the coin, there’s Satan’s
Children, easily one of the
most screwed up motion pictures
of all time, courtesy singular auteur
Joe Wiezycki. Between the two, you’ll
laugh, daydream, fall asleep, sweat,
forget where you are, catch flies
with your gaping mouth, and say
“uggh.” Rev up the Porsche!
Starch those whitey-tighties! Brush
your flowing brunette locks! We’re
about to sacrifice three precious
hours to Satan’s celluloid
altar.
Lucina is in a fuddle. Seems she
fell asleep, only to wake up in
the Asylum Of Satan! That's
right, our heroine has unexpectedly
found herself a "patient"
of Dr. Specter, who runs a mansion/asylum
for wheel-chaired people in KKK
outfits and other assorted bad actors.
When Lucina becomes suspect of the
she-male servant and her escalating
hallucinations, there's only one
thing to do: call Chris, her man-boobed,
Porsche-drivin' boyfriend! The cast
meets grisly death by animals and
claustrophobia, but the cops don't
believe Chris. Was Lucina captured
for her virginous qualities? Is
Doc Specter Satan himself? Papier-mâché
monster head. Random gore photos.
Satan: master of disguise. Anticlimax.
Clothes furnished by Schupp &
Snyder, Inc. of Louisville, Kentucky.
No plot, no point, not much sense.
Yep, William Girdler's dirt cheap
debut pretty much delivers all the
necessities. Asylum Of Satan
isn't exactly a film I'd consider
"exciting"; in fact it's
more often directionless and frequently
dead boring. So why does it remain
so watchable? It's all in the mugs.
Much like Mark
Of The Witch, another occult-themed
regional rarity, Asylum
floats around on an odd plain of
surreal haziness, heavily sprinkled
with quirky characters and unique
faces. The paste-on mustaches, the
thinly-veiled guy in drag, the unbelievable
70s machismo of Chris, the hilarious
"blind" girl...that's
just a taste. A slapdash 70s horror
comic book has come to life and
you can taste the musty halftones.
Girdler keeps things lo-fi (fire
extinguisher smoke, rubber spider
attack, recurring white boy funk),
but somewhat tame, further pushing
the film's allure into the red.
That was pleasant enough. How about
a little man-on-man gang rape to
scar things up? Satan's Children
it is! Bobby has problems. Bobby
can't take anymore of his abusive
father's taunts and his super gross
stepsister's games. Bobby says,
"Go to Jesus H. Christ Heeeeelll!"
and walks out. Bobby gets picked
up by a biker at the local diner.
Bobby gets hog-tied and defiled
by four white trash hillbillies.
Bobby is found the next day by a
satanic cult. Bobby feels a oneness
with the cult, but they say he’s
too much of a “queer”
to join. Bobby falls in love with
Sherry, the would-be high priestess
of Satan. Bobby runs away from the
compound in his white Fruit of the
Looms, gets chased by satanic dudes
for eons. Bobby is looking for redemption
(take a bottle to the head, Dad).
Bobby is looking for revenge (smell
ya later, rapists). Bobby is looking
for sex (grease up that sister again).
Oh, Bobby.
Part classroom morality filmstrip,
part sleaze lobotomy, Satan’s
Children is all man. At least
I think so. See, there seems to
be some kind of mean slant towards
homosexuals (both male and female),
but I can’t tell if the film
is serious or just taking the easy
way out with a spin on the ol’
rape/revenge plot wheel. The latter
makes more sense; the whole thing
is too ineptly constructed to harbor
such subversiveness, no matter how
simplistic. At it’s core,
Satan’s Children
is a mean-spirited, slightly homophobic
experiment in exploito-shock cinema,
strangely subdued and never all
that inviting. Shot in Tampa, Florida
by one-time director Joe Wiezycki
and co., the backyard grime takes
center stage amidst the indifferent
photography and tacky sets. It’s
all sweat (who oiled up Bobby’s
sister so quick?!), zits (take your
pick), and dirt (cult leader Simon
and his pencil-greased mustache);
the kind of dain-bramaged film you
see once, notch up for experience,
and move on. For a fascinating look
into the making of the movie, check
out crew member Marc Wielage’s
recollections here.
And then move on.
Watch Asylum for the great
fun, watch Satan’s Children
for the bragging rights. Next time
somebody blurts, “Name one
of the most insane movies you’ve
ever watched,” you’ll
have a pretty good answer.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Prints = full frame. Grain = in
spades. Satisfaction guaranteed.
Satan’s Children
was lost for decades until Something
Weird turned up a sole print. Naturally,
it’s a bit rough in the dirt
and damage department, but that’s
completely expected. Twenty years
in someone’s garage certainly
didn’t keep my jaw from hitting
the floor. The mono sound was just
fine. Girdler’s film looks
fantastic, with lots of 70s traits
and a crystal clear picture. Film
noise was present, but at a minimum.
The mono sound was a bit muffled
and hard to decipher at times, but
it sounded like set issues to me.
EXTRAS
Wowee, this is a hot one! We’ll
start out small and ramp up from
there. First, a 5 minute burlesque
short titled Satan’s Dance
features a woman dressed half-ladylike,
half Lucifer, as she struts the
stage and makes out with herself.
It’s very odd. Then, in one
of the most interesting supplements
I’ve ever seen on a Something
Weird disc, witness 7 minutes of
Super 8 footage from the set of
Asylum, wherein Girdler
directs with dry ice, a few lost
scenes are shot, and numerous close-ups
of a cobwebby corner unfold. Footage
of this sort never seems to pop
up anywhere, so it’s a welcomed
peek into the workings of cheap
70s filmmaking, no matter how brief.
Next, gain a snitch into the life
of a struggling nudie mag model
in the 30 minute short, The
Soul Snatcher. Kind of like
a classroom scare film with a little
spice...and a pasty, eyelined Satan.
Also included are nine thematic
trailers, most of which come from
those crazies at Hallmark Pictures
(Last House On The Left,
Don’t Look In The Basement).
Faves include Horror
High and a theatrical spot
for Asylum, which utilizes
some additional footage not seen
in the film. A gallery of grisly
60s/70s comix covers also appears
on the disc, repeated from several
other Something Weird releases.
Now, to the true girth of this Satanic
tilt-a-whirl. Jeffrey C. Hogue,
owner of distributor Majestic International
Pictures, and Patty Breen, William
Girdler “expert-biographer”
and creator of WilliamGirdler.com,
get together for a thorough commentary
track on Asylum. Breen
knocks off a flurry of facts throughout,
while keeping the tone light. Hogue
doesn’t offer much insight
(“I’d rather not talk
about that.”), but both have
a great sense of humor about the
film. Some highlights include the
Church of Satan’s involvement
in production, a few Rosemary’s
Baby connections, and Patty
labeling actor Nick Jolley aka Chris
as, “...the ultimate anti-sex
symbol.” Overall, a fantastic
track, one that flows and ends before
you want it to. As a companion to
the commentary, Ms. Breen also supplies
exhaustive liner notes with the
film’s included insert, covering
Girdler’s tragic life and
the film. Absolutely top notch.
FINAL THOUGHTS
The more I think about it, the more
I enjoyed Asylum Of Satan.
Satan’s Children
was an experience, to say the least.
The disc itself is completely packed,
so I think the choice is obvious. |
Window games
Rubber & blood
Trust in Chris(t)
Here comes trouble
Ultimate sacrifice
Sherry and Bobby
|
